THINGS POP ALONG
"I don’t visit my family often because Delta Airlines won’t wait in the yard while I run in."
Margaret Smith - American comedian.
"We cannot proportion the blame for the accident on anybody until investigations are complete," declared Shane.
On Tuesday, another crash in the area had killed 22 people when the bus they were traveling in rammed head-on into a truck. We were rushed as Shane, Alexandra and I, accompanied by Sloane Simba and his wife, Caroline (Cheetah) Simba were to go to the Arab Emirates to close out a multi-billion dollar deal to allow a company to bring in digital equipment for all of Kenya. It would make our lives go very smoothly as far as electronics were concerned.
Things went badly on the trip to the Arab Emirates. Caroline Cheetah Simba, Sloane’s caustic and decidedly wired wife copped an attitude with Alexandra. Alexandra, being a confident and friendly sort didn’t quite know what to make of the moody cheetah. Shane’s wife was quite happy to let Caroline be and turn the other cheek until it became almost impossible to ignore her. It strained the already rocky marriage of Sloane and Caroline who had a recently born a daughter. I tried to spend what little spare time I had with Caroline. I was one of the few creatures she got along with. I have grown quite fond of Sloane, Shane’s half brother and justice, interior minister for Kenya. I felt badly for him in that his wife was giving him fits on this particular trip.
It all came out in the wash, however. The pregnant Alexandra charmed the ghutra off the emir who gifted her with two blooded Arab stallions to add to her stables in addition to a racing camel. We returned to Kenya and the Mara with the horses and their friend in the hold under Simba One.
Shane and the Emir (above) Alexandra and Shane with the Emir’s camels in Dubai....
"Betty, I wish you would take me up on my offer of a job with my administration here in Tanzania," begged Pete who was just beginning to get the bit between his teeth in his job as freshly minted president of that country. The building of his new home in the Serengeti was going well thanks to Kenyan construction magnate Lewis Lyon who had opened a branch of Lewis Lyon Construction in Tanzania.
"Pete, I just can’t do that for the time being. I have four sons still left at home. Kenya is their stomping ground and I can’t take them away from there. they love the Mara and their dads are there."
"Bosh, Betty, the Serengeti abuts the Mara. With your plane it will be easy to go back and forth. Please join me here," he asked, encircling her in his brawny arms.
She reached up and kissed him on the nose.
"No can do at the moment," she insisted.
"Does that leave a little open for negotiations later?"
"It’s entirely possible."
She was growing fonder of the lion who had started out as totally offensive in her eyes.
Pete and Betty at his home in Tanzania......
That afternoon she flew back to the Mara, spent some time with Wilda and her sons, Jason, Solly, Tarek and Jalil then went to see Jack Tarzan at his recently acquired home. they sat on his veranda, Jack with his beer and Betty with her Scotch. She was growing fond of Jack’s sister who now lived with him as did the elderly Patsy.
"Can you stay the night with me?" he asked.
"I insist on doing that," she told him.
When I returned from Dubai, Lachlan and I went to Tsavo to visit his parents. As was usually the case, his father who was mane-less, sat in a chair and watched television from dawn til dusk. At least that was his position whenever I saw him. His mother, a pretty lioness, became more talkative. She had become accustomed to me, I suppose, and began to lose her initial shyness.
"I believe Maurice is curious as to why I have a mane and the other males in Tsavo including Dad, are mane-less," he teased her over drinks on the patio one afternoon late.
His mother, who was drinking tea, was quick to respond to that question. I hope she didn’t think I doubted Lachlan’s paternity.
"Your grandfather - my father - came from the Samburu reserve. He had a lustrous mane. I believe you inherited it, Lach."
We had a relaxed and delightful time, once again going to see Lachlan’s friends and their mates. One had a full blown pride of four lionesses. Two were gay like Lachlan. All were good company and enjoyed the tales of their fierce ancestry told many times.
On another front, Lachlan had grown quite fond of my sister Margaux and her husband, Tony Tigeres. Mother, quite naturally, was an anathema to most animals who hadn’t grown up around her and some who had.
Kenya’s animals began to interact with Tanzania which has a new lion president. Pete had held out the paw of friendship to Kenya and asked for any expertise we might be able to share or provide. Bertram Baboon and Roy Lee Simba followed Lewis Lyon and set up a branch of Baboon-Simba Studio in the Serengeti. Wally Warthog was thinking of going into partnership with a cousin there and opening another branch of the Pub. They were looking for a watering hole like the one in the Mara.
We all went to the premiere of Roy Lee Simba’s film version of Spartacus. I think most of us found it moving and very lovely. The lion superstar had both starred in and directed it. It was a deeply personal story with drama and flair plus the proper amount of swashbuckling. Roy Lee had joined his brother Shane in getting hands instead of paws. He used those to great effect in his scenes in the Roman Circus. His wife, Janice, giggled with me about the new additions.
"Roy Lee can do more than just wield a sword with those new hands of his, Maury" giggled my former business partner out of hearing range of her husband. "I’m simply besotted with them."
Roy Lee Simba at the premier adjusts his tie with his new hands....
below: Simone Serval as Varinia in Spartacus...
Simone and Roy Lee play the lovers in Spartacus....
Simone Serval attended with her former squeeze, Alexander Simba. She looked lovely and was sure to win an award for her sensitive portrayal of Spartacus’ love interest, Varinia. Later a huge bash was held for special guests (read: those who paid a great deal of money) at the new SIMBA restaurant.
A week later, Bertram Baboon was the star when his production of A Streetcar Named Desire premiered followed by another more intimate party at OKAPI’S. Bop Boon made a scene. She was feeling her oats being the star in the role of Blanche Dubois. Her fret was her lack of a date for the evening. Bop is a baboon female who is long on talent and short on manners. She managed to pick Shane Simba to castigate (bad judgment on her part). She was drunk and he was totally disinterested in her take on his politics and management of Kenya. Bertram, who is the only one that can control the tempestuous Bop, got her back to the table he shared with his wife, Gloria and the Roy Lee Simba family.
Lachlan and I were taking a Sunday morning to putter in our yard and garden. We were both dressed in our worst and were about to break for Bloody Marys. Wilda Wildebeest and Betty Chimpo were to join us.
"Maurice, I need some help with this cord. You have the thumbs and I don’t," requested Lachlan.
"Have you thought of joining the group who are getting hands?" I teased.
"What I can’t do with lion paws, I simply won’t tackle, Maury," he laughed. "That’s what I have you for."
He placed a kiss on the tip of my nose. We went to the house to prepare the drinks for our guests and us.
Two couples went awry this week. Most unfortunately was the recently wed combo of Caitlin Cougar and Homer Leo. Their status as a couple was complicated by Caitlin’s obnoxious daughter with Sloane Simba - Georgy. Another complication in that marriage was the deadly sister of Homer - Laura Leo. Laura had decided that her beloved brother needed better than Caitlin and her two cubs and hastily set about creating additional problems for the twosome.
Georgy Simba, the adolescent daughter of Caitlin Cougar and Sloane Simba...
Sloane Simba, half owner of Georgy, was also experiencing marital difficulties with his tempestuous wife, Caroline Cheetah Simba. Some of those were created by Georgy but Caroline didn’t need much to part her seas. They had a new female cub whom Sloane doted on, exacerbating Georgy’s ‘daddy’s girl’ complex. Little Cindy Simba was the apple of her dad’s eye. This meant that the couple remained together in Sloane’s bush home but things were tense. Sloane Simba had no desire for a son. Little girl’s were his choice for fatherhood. He adored both his daughters.
Sloane Simba who also joined the crowd with hands replacing paws...
Shane and Alexandra had another tiff which was rather rare for them. Between her incredible temperament and his intense love for her, they seldom quarreled. This took place because she disagreed with him again about his daughter’s increasingly intense relationship with her human friend Stanley Morrison.
"I think it’s wonderful if they are in love, Shane. Stanley is a marvelous person," shouted Alexandra.
"Staci is married to a male lion who is not going to take this affair very lightly, Alex. This is my objection."
"Are you sure it’s not because he’s human?"
"I am positive of that, Alex. I just don’t want her husband to murder her is all. I don’t think that’s such an unreasonable fear, do you?"
"No, Luv, I don’t," she said, pulling him on top of her in the bed in their room.
He put his arms around her and held her against him.
"Use those wonderful new hands of yours and make me go wild," she giggled, tickling his ear.
"For someone who didn’t want to change a hair on me, you are certainly fond of these hands," he teased.
"Since they are already attached, Luv, what’s the use of pissing off about it? We’ll just make the best of them."
"I knew you a smart chick, that’s why I married you," he laughed, rolling on top of her.
"I need my house back, so sorry," said Caitlin Cougar Leo to Chris Simba who had rented it from her when she vacated it to marry Homer Leo.
Chris lit a cigarette and attempted to quell the annoyance he felt at this request. It could serve him well no matter the inconvenience.
"I have a lease, Caitlin, if you recall," he reminded her.
"I suppose I didn’t put that very well, Chris. I am separating from my husband and need the house very badly."
"I am having tremendous difficulties with my wife, Johanna. Maybe we can meet for lunch and work something out in an amicable fashion," suggested Chris.
"That would be super, Chris. Tomorrow at OKAPI’S and I buy?"
"You’ve got it. I’ll meet you at noon on the steps."
At four in the afternoon when Johanna had frequented the most expensive stores in the Lewis Lyon Mall and had the packages to prove it, she returned to the house on Leoparde Drive. Chris took his Bloody Mary to their room where his wife had taken her items. It was a Saturday afternoon and the weather was glorious. He relished what he would have to tell her.
"Jo, we have to move next week, Caitlin wants this house back," he told Johanna.
"That’s what leases are for, Chris, she can’t to this to us. Look at this beautiful silk lingerie I purchased from Chanel."
"I signed the lease and it’s no good. We will have to move. I hope you put these pretties on your account, Jo. I have no intention of paying for them."
"What’s wrong with you, Chris? See if that little cat still lives in Shane’s penthouse, will you? We can move there."
"No, I don’t want to do that, Johanna. It’s time for us to get a divorce - in fact it’s beyond the time for us to part ways."
"Don’t be silly, Chris. You have no idea how much trouble I can make for you," she threatened.
"I believe your capacity for throwing poo in my face is limited, Jo. I am, after all, the brother of the President of Kenya and he thinks very little of you as well."
"Damn you," she screamed, throwing one of new and very lacy panties at him and missing.
He laughed and left the room.