THE TELLY

www.mauricemonkee.com

 

Venus favors the bold.

Ovid

 
   

The clarion call went out from WMM-TV and Baboon-Simba Studios.  Animal actors of all ages wanted for television series work.  Chloe Cougar, who had considered herself washed up, read the news at her parent’s beach home.  She doused herself with water and went to the house to make the call to her ex-husband, Roy Lee Simba.  Roy Lee, himself, was excited and asked Gloria Chimpo to write a new series for him to star in. 

Chloe douses herself before leaving the beach....

 


 

“And we have to invite Montecore to dinner why, Betty?  Refresh my memory,” said Shane Simba, propping muscular legs on the ottoman, taking the first gulp of his evening Scotch and lighting a cigarette. 

 

“Because, darling, Montecore has just returned from America where he made an appearance with Siegfried and Roy for a very good cause,” said Betty, kissing her hubby on the lips before sitting on the couch. 

 

“Good for him.  He certainly wrecked Roy with his ‘rescue’,” scoffed Shane. 

 

“Shane that is a terrible thing for you to say - Monte has suffered for years over this incident.  I talked with Roy, myself, when Monte and I were married.  He swears he had a stroke on stage and Monte pulled him to safety,” argued Betty Chimpo Simba whose first husband had been the white tiger. 

 

“And I am Angelina Jolie,” laughed Shane.  “Okay, Fifi, have your ex to dinner.  He’s a very nice chap.  I’ve always liked him.”

 

“Thank you, darling.”

 

     

...Montecore with his parents.            Betty argues the merits of having Montecore to dinner.....

 


 

            Solly Simba was not about to sit at an annoying dinner with his dad, mom and her white tiger ex-husband.  He had bigger fish to fry.  He was going on his first date with Caroline Cheetah’s daughter by his uncle, Sloane Simba.  This was not a secret kept from his dad, Shane, who had no problem with inter-pride relationships.  It was, however, to be kept from Cyndi Simba’s dad and, most chiefly, her mom, who Solly was currently hot and heavy with in matters of the boudoir.  In fact, Solly had spent the entire weekend installed in Caroline Cheetah’s pink fluffy bedroom with the French flowered carpet.  Now, it was Tuesday and Cyndi was to meet him at the Watering Hole Pub for fun and games.


 

            Imani Lyon was holding a thrilling secret within her swelling bosoms.  She was now sure that she was pregnant with Solly Simba’s litter.  Now the ox would be in the ditch and he would just have to marry her.  Being the son of the current president and she being the granddaughter of the former, no one could afford the resulting scandal – much less a budding young lion attorney just back from England and a grand education.  At least this was Imani Janice Lyon’s way of thinking.  She contained her nausea when her father, Ashley Lyon, was around with his present gal pal, Evangeline Cougar.  Ashley was so enraptured with the young cougar transplant that he rarely noticed his daughter’s hasty flights up the stairs in the home they shared.  There Imani would happily toss her cookies, wipe her lips and fantasize about the joyous conjugal existence she would share with Solomon Figan Simba.  Unlike her dad, her mother, Leah Simba Tarzan, noticed her eldest offspring’s trips to the john while Imani worked as a model at her mother’s clothing empire, JAGGERS.

 

“Are you pregnant, Imani?” asked Leah, who was no stranger to birthing. 

 

“No, Mom.  It’s something I ate,” snarled Imani.

 

“Do you eat it every day?” asked her mother.

 

“Noooooo,” screamed Imani as she pushed past Leah in order to engage in a fitting for the day’s runway showing.

 

“She’s pregnant, isn’t she Duke?” asked Leah of her dear friend and male lion partner.

 

“Please don’t ask me that girlfriend.  Thank God I don’t have to deal with these matters,” was the gay designer’s response. 

 

Duke, partner and confidante at JAGGERS...

 


Ashley Lyon, too in love to notice his daughter's symptoms.....

 


 

            That evening the object of Imani Lyon’s lustful desires was busy getting it on with Cyndi Simba.  The drinks at the bar in the pub had been lessened by the young animal’s intense desire to get on with things of a sexier nature.  Cyndi lived with her father, Sloane Simba and his wife, Lucy Cougar Simba.  There was no going there so Solly, with Cyndi in tow, slipped into his suite of rooms at the presidential mansion.  His parents were busy entertaining his mom’s ex-husband, Montecore, so they were fully occupied in the library with a DVD of Montecore’s charity show with Siegfried and Roy.  They, of course, failed to hear the sounds of ecstasy coming from the end of the long hall in the suite which housed Solly.

 

Solly and Cyndi get it on....

 


 

            Sloane Simba was once again in full sync with his presidential half-brother.  Sloane had been rehired at his former position of justice and interior minister for Kenya.  Shane had fired his problematical half-brother Dickey Simba due to a drug problem.  There were those who weren’t happy with the firing:  Dickey’s wife, Cutty and his mom – the irascible lioness, Goosey Simba.  Cutty still maintained her position as Shane’s press secretary.  Goosey pondered the matter over multiple beers and cigarettes

 

Above:  The irrepressible Goosey Simba....

below: her son, Dickey...

 

 

 


 

            Roy Lee Simba, glamorous lion superstar of films and stage, decided to do a television series based on The Honeymooners – that successful television opus that had become history.  Roy Lee would play Ralph Kramden, the blue collar, beer bellied chap who had a love hate relationship with his wife, Alice.  Roy Lee, despite his age, was quite buff, but he could use convenient stomach stuffing while filming.  However, who would play Alice, Ralph's equally frumpy wife?   Gloria Chimpo had a suggestion.  It hit gold with Roy Lee.  Roy Lee issued the invitation to his blowsy ex-wife and Oscar winning actress – Chloe Cougar, who had not remarried since being divorced by Roy Lee.  The leopard-cougar mix was put out at first but soothed when Roy Lee stated his intention to play opposite her as Ralph.   She immediately signed on. 

 
Roy Lee Simba on his bike........

 


 

            An unsteady Goosey Simba made her way up the steps of the State House and down the hall to President Shane Simba’s office.  Her breath, boozy and cigarette laden, would have knocked out a cape buffalo.  She pushed past the secretaries and burst through Shane’s door.

 

“You overrated prick,” she roared, slamming Shane with her plastic purse.  “How dare you fire my son?”

 

She then knocked him off his desk chair, the contents of her purse tumbling after him. 

 

“Shit,” he roared.

 

I ran to the door and shouted for Shane’s Masai guards who rushed in and secured the raging lioness.  Cutty ran down the hall, hearing the commotion.  She took her mother-in-law in tow and drove her home.


 

            The headlines read:  PRESIDENT SIMBA KNOCKED OFF CHAIR BY ANGRY AUNT.

 

Shane spent the day at home being nurtured by his wife, Betty.  He had a swollen eye.  Betty had the staff bring cold compresses and babied her husband the entire day. 

           

            In the Lyon compound, former president Ralph Lyon read the paper and chuckled to his wife, Mildred. 

 

“Those Simbas are a trashy lot of lions.  Shane is the only good one in the bunch, Millie,” he told her.

 

“He’s certainly had his moments too. But, dear, we have grandcubs who have Simba blood.”

 

“I know, Millie – just stating a fact.”

 

Ralph and Mildred Lyon discuss the morning's headlines...

 


 

            Bertram Baboon was not concerned that our leader had been knocked on his arse by his aunt.  I dined with Bertram that evening and his subject matter was one of a different nature.  His expression was pained as he popped an olive in his mouth.

 

“Maurice, the studio is being ruined by Roy Lee.  The divine Roy Lee Simba, who has played so many heroes including Spartacus, is going to play a fat assed, blue collar worker in a television series.  What is gong to happen?” he screeched, bringing the attention of the waiters in the persnickety restaurant OKAPI’S.

 

“I’m sure that Roy Lee made a wise decision,” I said, attempting to pacify.

 

“Horse feathers,” shouted the enraged baboon director. 

 

It was inevitable.  Splat bits of masticated olive on my cheek from Bertram’s open mouth.

 

 


"The story continues..."