Maurice & Friends

Ashley Lyon sat in his parent’s home in the Lyon pride compound. He and his father, Ralph Lyon, drank Scotch; his mom Mildred had her usual cup of herbal tea.

“Mom, Imani needs a husband badly. She’s frustrated and driving me to further drink. She’s correct in saying that all the major lion prides are blood kin to her.”

Ralph Lyon let out a loud guffaw.

“Imani is too much for any self respecting lion to take on. She’s a whippersnapper,” declared her grandfather.

“Ralph, dear, Ash is seeking our help with a serious matter,” gently scolded Mildred.

“Dad, are there any available Leo males?” inquired Ashley.

“Imani would eat a Leo for a snack. The Leo pride is all about being studious and erudite except for that murderous Laura of theirs,” commented Ralph.

“You mean the one you shopped me to, Dad?” teased Ashley.

“I guess I did, didn’t I? You were better off marrying Betts,” agreed Ralph.

“Ashley, the other lionesses and I will put our heads together and see if we can come up with someone for our Imani,” soothed Mildred.

“Thanks, Mom.”

Mildred Lyon helps out finding a male for her granddaughter....

In the interim, ‘our Imani’ was doing a bit of male shopping on her own. She was going through that matchmaker from hell, Lee’s mother – Chloe Cougar. Imani and Chloe had grown close in the process of Imani being a bridesmaid in Lee Simba’s wedding to Imani’s oldest brother, Arlon Lyon. Chloe and Imani, though years apart in age, were drawn to each other being of like temperament. Chloe had invited Imani to join her with Bop Boon at the Watering Hole Pub. There they had tried to interest Imani in a selection of available males present in the bar.

“Do you like male cheetahs?” asked Bop, lighting a cigarette.

“Nah,” grumbled Imani, grabbing Bop’s cigarette and lighting her own. “Not sexy or manly enough.”

“What about leopards?” inquired Chloe, being half that herself.

“Not really,” said the already bored Imani with a yawn.

“I guess that leaves male lions then,” giggled Bop, who was a fan of those too.

“Yeah and all the sexy ones are kin to me,” said Imani, ordering a second gin and tonic.

“What a bummer,” agreed Bop, ordering her second martini.

“What about that lion president of Tanzania? I thought you had a thing with him for a while?” asked Chloe.

“He just used me for sex,” carped Imani.

“Sex always works for me,” stated Chloe ordering her third martini.

Chloe Cougar, mother of the bride and friend to Imani Lyon...

A party for engaged grandson, Arlon Lyon, was held in the Lyon pride compound. All of the homes were opened to the party and tents were set up on the grounds. Mildred Lyon sashayed up to her son, Ashley, and whispered in his ear. The subject of that whispered conversation was one Aristotle Leo who had been invited since the Leo pride were long time friends of the Lyon prideand Lisa Lyon had married into that pride years before. Aristotle Leo, known as Ari to friends and pride members, had just returned from his university education abroad and was slated to teach at Kenya University’s Mara Campus the coming semester. He was full maned and handsome. The compound was packed with friends and pride members when Mildred took Ari by the arm and introduced him to her granddaughter, Imani Janice Lyon.

“What do you do?” inquired Imani Lyon. “You’re kind of hot looking.”

“I’m flattered off my gourd,” was the acid response of Ari Leo. “I am a professor of philosophy. What is your profession?”

“I’m a model,” yelped Imani, who surely thought Ari had seen her many magazine covers. “I’m famous as shit.”

“Do tell. Want another drink?”

“Yeah, I do…by the way I like a black mane.”

“Oh, so you’re a student of manes?” asked Ari with the same sarcasm loading his words.

Aristotle Leo known as Ari, is introduced to Imani Lyon....

On a rainy morning, Dickey Simba drove his wife, Cutty (Sark) Simba, to the clinic where she had the embryo of a lion cub implanted in her uterus. She was to stay three days to ensure the procedure had the best chance for success. Dickey visited her briefly on those evenings but was anxious to get to his home and hashish bong. He called Chloe Cougar and Caroline Cheetah to visit both nights while his wife was in the clinic. He phoned Betty Chimpo but her housekeeper advised him of the fact that “Ms. Chimpo is at the President’s bush home, I will tell her you called.”

Betty dressed carefully in Shane’s bush home. It was the night of the after-rehearsal dinner that she, as the mother of the groom, was hosting at the Predator Club for the wedding party. Shane was in a lively mood, already dressed in his tuxedo. He put his arms around her from behind as she adjusted a diamond earring.

“Do you remember how irate you were so long ago when I jogged in the rain and came to your house on Lyon Avenue? I stole your wedding picture with Catherine,” she giggled. “You were so pissed.”

“What made you think of that, Fifi?” he asked, nuzzling her hair.

“We’ve been through so many strange and crazy things together, Shane.”

“That was three sons ago, Betty.”

“I know, darling. We must rush, we’re running late.”

The large gathering at the Predator Club held the proper awe and silence as the President of Kenya arrived with the mother of the groom on his arm. After toasting the bride and groom, Shane led Betty to the dance floor. The band played The Way We Were and the room was filled with sentiment as the former husband and wife seemed totally re-engrossed in each other. It should have been Arlon Lyon and his fiancé’ Lee Simba who danced the first dance together but when one’s mother is is involved with the big lion who leads our country she will be the one to take the crowd’s attention. Chloe Cougar, who had remained sober for the other parties on the advice of her mother, got smashed at this one and fell under the table. Ashley Lyon took her home and returned to dance the evening away with his ex-wife, Staci Simba.

“It’s seems to be prom night for the formerly married,” quipped Lachlan to me.

Shane escorts Betty to the dinner.... Staci Simba and her ex-hubby, Ashley Lyon at the dinner.....

Imani Lyon laid spread eagled on Ari Leo’s bed in his cottage on the Leo pride estate. Ari had already removed himself from the scene of their first coupling and was putting on his briefs. She lit a cigarette and perused his room.

“You even have books in your bedroom,” she said.

“I read a lot. It’s one of the things I do,” answered Ari. “Do you read, Imani?”

“Too busy and it bores me,” she reported, blowing smoke toward the ceiling fan.

“Too bad about that - reading is good for the soul,” mused Ari, buttoning his shirt.

“Am I good in bed?”

“Yes, is that’s what is important to you? Animals are always good in bed.”

“No, they are NOT. Some are really rotten in the sack,” snarled Imani.

“That’s not an issue I’m prepared to debate. It’s late, Imani, I need to study for a while before I sleep.”

“Are you asking me to leave? Will I see you again?”

“Sure, why not….I’ll call you next week, Imani.”

“Will you go to my brother’s wedding reception with me? I’ll get you an invitation.”

“All of we Leos are invited. I’ll meet you after the wedding and we’ll do the reception together,” said Ari.

“I’m going to be a bridesmaid,” she told him.

“Good deal,” was his tepid response.

Imani Lyon in Ari Leo's boudoir......

Cutty and Dickey Simba expect to be parents soon.....

Dickey Simba arrived home from work to find his wife Cutty on the sofa reading a Parent’s magazine.

“Isn’t a bit early to be reading up on parenting, Cutty?” he asked, lighting a cigarette.

“Dr. Tigeres thinks from the early tests results that we are pregnant,” said Cutty with a huge grin.

Dickey sighed and took out his bong.

“You just don’t give a shit, do you, Dickey? About anything fucking thing.”

“Cutty, I want you to be happy and a mother if that’s what you want.”

“I am from the heartland in Kansas and have always had traditional values. I am going to see this marriage through and be damned to you, Dickey Simba. I am an average American girl from the Midwest.”

“How many typical girls from Kansas marry male lions, Cutty? Aren’t you carrying this heartland crap a bit too far?” he said, tapping hashish into his pipe and lighting it.

Cutty began to cry softly and the phone rang. Dickey answered.

“Dickey, can you come over here,” wailed Chloe Cougar. “My dad just came over and read me the riot act about getting drunk at the after rehearsal dinner.”

Dickey took a quick fix on the comfort zone of being with the weepy Cutty or the wailing Chloe. He chose Chloe. Making an excuse to Cutty about his phone call being from Shane Simba’s home office, he left and drove to Chloe’s penthouse. Chloe answered the door looking like an unmade bed. Her mascara was streaked from a crying jag over her dad’s disapproval and she was swaying on her feet. He walked past her and headed for her bar. He poured a Scotch.

“Aren’t you going to give me a hug, I just got cussed out by Poppy,” she hiccupped.

“I have no sympathy, Chloe; I’m too damn miserable myself to be all torn up about your paternal dressing down.”

“You’re a real dick, Dickey Simba.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“Why are you so miserable?” squawked Chloe.

“I’ve lost Betty Chimpo forever and it’s my bloody fault.”

“Oh, screw that ape. Who cares about her hairy ass?”

There were two tiffs going on in two different locales in the Masai Mara. One was in my home when I learned that Lachlan couldn’t attend tomorrow’s wedding.

“Lachlan, it is the wedding of the year. I can’t believe you can’t go,” I complained.

“I won’t be finished with the far field in time for the ceremony but I will join you for the reception, Maury. I promise this.”

At Shane’s bush home, Betty was gathering her cosmetic bag in preparation for leaving.

“Aren’t you going to spend the night here, Betty?” asked Shane, who had just gotten a nightcap and was about to remove his tuxedo shirt from the rehearsal dinner.

“No, darling, I have to gather my senses for the wedding tomorrow. Please understand this. If I stay with you we’ll just make love all night and I’ll look frazzled for the wedding.”

“Damn, Betty, you won’t look frazzled at all. You never look that way,” he argued.

It was to no avail - Betty wasn’t’ going to take the risk of boring Shane again. She knew the trick to keeping him interested these days.

“Please be understanding about this thing, Shane, darling. I have to be prepared for tomorrow. It’s Arlon’s big day.”

He put his arms around her and kissed her.

“I’ll miss you. Take my driver and limo, it’s late.”

“Come to my house for breakfast tomorrow, will you, darling?” she told him, kissing him.

“I’ll be there bright and early, Fifi. Sleep well and dream of me.”

“I always do, Shane.”