Maurice & Friends

Vice President Shane Simba was driven to the Masai Mara Airport on a stormy morning. The official limousine had picked him up at the house. Betty stood at her front door, embracing him closely. He told her he would phone whenever he got a chance. Betty watched as the official Rolls pulled from her drive. She closed the door and was about to blubber when she took stock and realized that he lived with her now. She brightened and went to oversee breakfast for Sean, Staci and Arlon.

Caroline Cheetah placed herself as far from Shane as possible on Ralph One. She didn’t want him to realize right away that she, having substituted another’s name on the request to fly with his party, was on board herself. The 747 ascended into a turbulent sky filled with imminent storm clouds. The seat belt sign remained on until the huge plane ascended above the thunderstorm. Smoothing out, it turned toward Europe. The seat belt light went off. It was too late now for them to turn back and expel Caroline.

Alexander Simba picked up the phone in his law office and dialed Jackal Realty. He asked for Linda Cougar. He was told she was showing a property. He thanked the receptionist and hung up.

Betty had Bertram Baboon, Lachlan Lion, Chad Cheetah and me to her house for dinner one night. It was probably in an effort to fill time before Shane returned. She looked absolutely radiant. Apparently we guests had not checked with each other before picking up a gesture of gratitude for our hostess. We both arrived individually with the same brand of vintage French Provencal Beaujolais. Betty laughed at this minor misfortune.

Shane’s children and Betty’s oldest son, Arlon, were in and out of the dining room. They had eaten earlier and were in the throes of homework. First one and then the other would approach the table, gleaning related facts from Betty. She was the soul of patience, taking as much time as needed for each one.

We repaired, after dinner, to Betty’s elegant patio for cognac. The storms had cleared, leaving the night sky luminous with stars.

“I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner, Betty, even if it did turn into the children’s hour,” teased Bertram.

“I think it’s enchanting that Shane’s children seem to accept you so readily. Keep up the good work, Betty. I think you’re on the way to realizing your dreams,” prophesized Lachlan.

“Has he proposed yet, Betts?” asked Bertram upending his cognac and holding his glass for seconds.

“You nervy old rascal,” laughed Chad. “That’s absolutely none of your business.”

“You’re quite right, old chap. In point of fact, it’s not,” admitted Bertram.

Shane’s European tour was a water haul for Caroline Cheetah. There wasn’t a moment that she could approach him, personally, so flanked by security guards was he.

However, there was a window of time obtainable on the return trip. She followed him to his private quarters on the 747. A Masai guard blocked her entrance. Hearing the commotion, Shane opened the door.

“Rais Simba, this female wants to enter your room,” reported the annoyed guard.

He left the door ajar and bid Caroline enter. She was nervous but bared her aspirations to him for at least the second time.

“Shane, I am so much like Catherine, I don’t know how you can resist me. I just want a chance to make you as happy as my sister did.”

“Get this straight, once and for all, Caroline. Catherine was my wife and the mother of my children. I knew her every nuance physically and mentally. I was tuned into her every mood. I do not find you like her. Your scent, look, attributes nor general demeanor are not like hers in the slightest. I know – I was her husband and adored her. I hurt her badly and I will never make that same mistake again in my life. Believe me when I tell you I know the differences between the two of you. I could never be with you, Caroline. Accept that fact and move on. You’re an attractive female, I’m sure you will find your meat somewhere else.”

He gently and quietly pushed her out the door and closed it. The inside lock clicked.

Betty was just barely home from her newscast when Shane burst in the front door. She ran to meet him at the same time his children and Arlon dashed downstairs to greet him. She stood back while Staci and Sean buttonholed their dad with details of their days when he was absent. He had bought gifts for the cubs, Arlon included. Later when the hullabaloo had died down and the cubs were upstairs, Betty and Shane went to her patio for drinks. The stars were vivid, the air scented with verbena. She was asking him details of the trip.

“You know about my trip, Fifi. You reported it from your anchor desk every evening. Let’s get on another subject.”

He fished in his jacket pocket and pulled out a small box. Betty caught her breath.

“Aren't you curious about your gift? I always bring presents, I’m that type of chap,” he laughed.

“Just getting you back is enough, my darling.”

He handed her the jeweler’s box. She opened it to find the most stunning ring she had ever seen – and Betty had seen quite a few in her day. She removed it and put it on the right hand ring finger.

“No, that’s wide of the mark,” he told her, placing it on her left hand.

She was speechless and rapidly becoming short of breath.

“It’s an engagement ring; I hope you will accept it. I want to marry you, Betty.”

Her head grew so light it felt removed from her neck and shoulders, drifting some where in the outer atmosphere. A sound as if a million cicadas had gone to war resonated in her ears. She attempted to remain on her feet in spite of the sensation. She lost her battle and would have fallen to the floor if Shane hadn’t caught her.

The news that Shane Simba and Betty Chimpo were getting married was received differing ways in the Masai Mara and Kenya. The hopeful females who had lost the battle before even getting in it, wore their libidos at half mast. Simone Serval took to her bed for two days. Sam Simba sat silently in the corner of his river home in a state of shock. Even his new, pregnant wife, Allison, had little luck pulling him out of it. Maggie Gordon sobbed on her farm in Nairobi. Johanna Delacroix made a dart board of Betty's picture and attacked it. Those who loved Betty Chimpo delighted at the fact that she had won the male of her dreams. Book sales of Betty’s revealing novel, Pride and Fury, soared again, returning it to the best seller lists. The world media came in droves to the Mara.

Sarah Lee Simba, upon receiving the news by phone, fell sobbing on her sister’s bosom. Leander made martinis all night until her saturated sister fell into an overdue bed.

Shane and Betty on their wedding day....

The day of the wedding, which was held at Betty’s house on Leoparde Drive, saw helicopters, carrying paparazzi, making deafening circles over the residence. The reception was to be held on the lawn and around the pool. Betty had asked OKAPIS to cater. Her dress was designed at a moment’s notice by Janice Jaguar of JAGGERS. Her sister, Gloria, and long time friend, Wilda Wildebeest, were to stand with her. Shane’s best males were his brothers, Roy Lee and Sefu Simba. Staci, Sean and Arlon were to stand with the couple. Reporters ringed the house. An extra assemblage of Masai askari held back the swarming media allowing the guests through to the house. The presidential limousine made it's way in the drive, letting out the President and First Lioness, flanked by additional Masai honor guards.

When all was said and done, Shane and Betty stood under the shade of the massive Fever tree in her back yard and said their vows. The ceremony was of a time-honored nature spoken by the Reverend Saul Serval. Betty trembled so the

lion who was about to become her fourth husband, had to hold her steady.

Conspicuously absent at the wedding were Sarah Lee Simba and her son, Sam. Dorian and Cynthia Cheetah attended, having appreciated Betty’s efforts to further help their grandchildren over the grief of their mother's demise. Obviously in attendance were Tookie Simba, Ashley and Leah Lyon and Christine Cheetah who came with Micah Mbube.

At one point, Lachlan and I were able to see Betty alone. She was still dazed. I was a bit concerned.

“Betts, you seem awfully frail today. Is there anything I can do?” I asked.

“Maurice, wouldn’t you be weedy if the thing you wanted most in the world happened against all odds?”

“I suppose I would, Betts,” I said, patting her slim hand with the engagement ring and platinum wedding band.

“What Betty is trying to tell you, Maury, is that this is the happiest day of her entire life. She's earned the right to shake,” laughed Lachlan.

“Oh, Maurice, it is. He said the truth. I never imagined this could come true. I will love Shane Simba until the day I die. I know this to be a fact.”

“I honestly believe you will, Betty. I think you have finally met your match,” agreed Lachlan.

Caroline Cheetah sat in Glenda Gorilla’s condo. She was drunk. And being so, was on edge.

“So much for your help in landing Shane Simba,” jeered Caroline.

“Girlfriend, you were the one that flunked that course. I presented the opportunity but flubbing the dub belongs in your tent. Don’t blame me,” said Glenda, grabbing a large fist full of peanuts and cramming them in her mouth.

“I still want to bolt Betty Chimpo to the wall. I’m sure it can be done.”

“How? Now she’s Mrs. Shane Simba, wife of the vice president of Kenya and in the cat bird seat. There’s damn little we can do to harm her. You need to fixate on another subject.”

“We’ve still got those photographs your guy got in her swimming pool,” remembered Caroline.

“So she’s fucking her husband underwater. Whoop de doo! Big deal.”

The evening of Shane and Betty’s wedding, which Alexander Simba attended with his wife, Lucy Cougar, he saw Linda Cougar across the lawn. He whispered in her ear to meet him in Shane and Betty’s master bathroom. He managed to find the way just ahead of Linda. He pushed Linda inside the opulent bath and locked the door. There he pulled down Linda’s pants, unzipped his own and took her, propped on the marble cabinet top. He shot his wad just as there was a knock on the door. He tensed as he asked who was there.

“I need to pee. I’m gonna wet my pants," answered Sean Simba.

They let him in. hoping he was in such a tear to do his ablutions he wouldn't notice them as they rushed past.