THE ART OF SCANDAL
Life is a big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.
Danny Kaye
Roscoe and Glenda Gorilla in her office at the Masai Mara Daily....
Glenda Gorilla gazed in wonder at the photos spread across the desk in her Masai Mara Daily office. Roscoe, the perpetrator, squirmed in a chair slurping annoyingly through a straw poked in his can of Pepsi.
“Roscoe, these are truly amazing,” enthused Glenda clapping her bejeweled hands in glee. “How shall we best use them?”
“You better ask Jane Leoparde before you go for the President’s wife’s butt,” recommended the photographer.
“Yes, I shall do just that…..or maybe….oh yes, I’ll just take them to the leopard that runs ANIMAL ENQUIRER. He’ll be tinkled pink. We can make mega bucks with them, Roscoe.”
“We?” asked Roscoe lighting a cheroot.
“Yes, Roscoe….you know I always share. Don’t be such a little shit.”
Justice Minister, Dickey Simba pays a visit to Cutty's office.....
Dickey Simba brought a press release and gave it to Cutty Sark. She was in her newly decorated office very near the President’s and mine. She thanked him brusquely.
“Why the long face, Cutty?” he asked.
“I am very busy this morning, Mr. Simba. I have to deal with the President addressing Parliament today.”
“Mr. Simba? I thought we were closer than that.”
“Were closer – past tense, Mr. Simba. Now if you don’t mind, I am very busy as I stated.”
“I do mind, Cutty. I don’t know what I did wrong. We had a great time in Mombasa and now I am suddenly a chap you refer to as ‘Mr. Simba’.”
“It was my mistake to even invite you there. I’m sorry I did. Now please leave my office. I’ll take care of your press release when I get time.”
He turned and left, softly closing the door behind him. She lit a cigarette and unwelcome tears began to gush. She picked a tissue from the box and dabbed her eyes.
“Shit, I’m gonna need a shrink if this keeps up,” she moaned to herself.
Thank all the gods that the evening was a gorgeous one. The event was becoming bedlam with all the paparazzi and invited jockeying for position near the entrance of TSAVO, Lachlan’s new restaurant. It was opening night. The presidential limousine drove up and let out Shane Simba and a very nervous Alexandra. The couple tried to appear in a light hearted mood for the media but the tension between them was obvious. I was more nervous than Lachlan, he being of the calm and collected disposition at most times. I, frankly, was a fucking wreck. Rory, his brother, entered the restaurant with Chloe Cougar on his arm. This caused flashbulbs to pop like crazy. In fact so many flash bulbs were at play that it seemed more like a light show than a restaurant opening. Mind you, this was no ordinary opening. This was the Mara’s favorite shrink announcing to the citizens that he is as good a cook as he is psychiatrist. They knew damn well Lachlan was an ace at his main profession of dealing with the emotional and mental problems of the district. Therefore, they were anxious to sample his culinary skills as well. He is also a most popular and beloved chap in our area.
Lachlan lets Betty Chimpo sample an entree .. Lucy Cougar and main squeeze, Sloane Simba arrive at TSAVO
Dr. Rory Lion, his date Chloe Cougar and her pal, Bop Boon enjoy the restaurant opening....
I am the poor bugger that had to fetch the offending copy of ANIMAL ENQUIRER and show it to Shane Simba this morning. There are those hired to seek out all material of a troublesome nature and bring it to the President of Kenya’s attention. The tearful secretaries received it and made sure I was the one to deliver the blow. I braced myself. Entering his office, I gave the tabloid to him. He looked it over, lit a cigarette and thanked me for bringing it to his attention.
Not more than five minutes passed before Alexandra Simba greeted us in strained fashion and entered her husband’s inner office.
“This won’t do, Alex. It’s not that I care so deeply but the disgrace to Kenya and this office is of terrific magnitude with my wife caught shagging the Justice Minister who also happens to be a member of my pride.”
Alexandra sat before him, her face ashen, and lit a cigarette.
“I believe you have done a good bit of disgracing this office yourself, Shane, If I’m not mistaken.”
“As shabby as it may seem, Alexandra, there is a double standard. My human wife is going to count for more in the disgrace department than I am,” he snarled.
“And why would that be, Shane?”
He stood and his strange green eyes were unreadable. “Because that is the way things work. Are you in love with Dickey?”
“I am in love with you, Shane, but you are someone I no longer even know…you’ve turned completely cold on me. I am very attracted to Dickey…..yes, very.”
“Well, then I suggest you make your permanent home the bush house or if you prefer to retreat to your plantations, that will suffice.”
“I will take care of that matter, Shane.”
“I don’t want to live with you any longer, Alexandra.”
She was shaking so she had difficulty standing.
“You are the coldest creature, animal or human, that has ever inhabited this earth. I don’t know how you stand yourself or how anyone else can stand you. If you didn’t have this incredible sex appeal and charisma you would be in bloody trouble and nowhere. I will occupy the bush house and my children will go with me there.”
“We will share our children…..”
“Very little….we will share them almost not at all. I don’t want them to realize the monster their father is.”
Shane confronts his wife in his office......
The next one approaching the guillotine was Dickey Simba. However, the blade failed to fall across his neck.
“You are a very good justice minister, Dickey, and I can’t afford to dismiss you. As for screwing my wife, please don’t continue doing so with your bedroom curtains open. This office can’t afford scandal.”
“And your shagging that model can’t be construed as such?”
“You’re adopting an insolent manner with me, Dickey. I won’t have that. Just continue doing the work of your office and try to stay out of my way,” said Shane.
We, in the inner sanctum of the President’s office suite, thought the clock would never strike five that particular day. The secretaries bustled about with distraught faces. I chewed my nails on occasion. Cutty looked down. Finally the end came. We all scrambled to our cars but not before asking Shane if we were needed further. He said not and three cars gratefully made their way past the guard gates on the way home.
Shane’s reaction to the day was to phone Betty Chimpo. Dickey’s was to phone no one and just get to his apartment where he could cushion the day’s shock with good wine and mellow hashish. Cutty went to her condo and placed a call to the Mental Health Center. She made an appointment the following day with the new psychiatrist there. Alexandra was driven with her children to the bush house. She gave orders to have all of her personal effects removed from the mansion.
Betty handed her ex-husband a drink and sat next to him on the couch in her library.
“It seems to me that you and Alex have come to a complete gridlock, Shane. Why is divorce not discussed?”
“The children, I suppose,” he answered lighting their cigarettes.
“Oh, Shane, that is ridiculous. You divorced me and we had three.”
“Fifi, you left me first, remember? In addition, our kids are not half-lion and half-human. Tanya and Sacha will have a rough time of it if we split up completely.”
Cutty Sark was depressed and decided to do something she rarely engaged in – go to a bar unescorted. She chose the pub as a natural venue. She lived just next door and the evening was fragrant and lovely. The Watering Hole Pub, however, was anything but that. It was thronged with animals and people. The air was redolent of barbecue and the noise level was intense. I’ll have one drink and leave, she promised herself. She bellied up to a bar nearest the entrance and ordered a drink.
“Cosmopolitan,” she told the bartender.
“Not a serious drink at all. Why don’t you have what I’m having?” asked a deep voice next to her.
“Who are you and why are you critiquing my drink choice?” she asked an attractive male lion.
“I’m a shrink and I know females who prefer wimpy drinks also want the same in bed,” countered Rory Lion.
“Is that right, doctor? I have to wonder if being a shrink, you consider that a suitable ‘hit’ on a woman.”
“If it works then it is,” he laughed. “Give the lady a Scotch and water.”
“I think you have me tagged wrong, doctor. I’m not a loose cannon nor am I promiscuous.”
“And you probably never bonked a male lion either.”
Cutty blushed beet red at this remark and Rory took it all in.
“I’m very sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you or make insinuations regarding your morals.”
“I hope you’re not the bastard I have an appointment with tomorrow,” she said, refusing the drink and turning to go.
She rushed out of the pub and Rory, not wanting to further offend a potential patient didn’t try to stop her.
“That went well,” laughed a voice behind him.
It was Chloe Cougar. They got plastered and went to her penthouse where they spent an active night.
Cutty meets Dr. Rory Lion in the Pub.....
“How the hell am I supposed to deal with this on and off again deal with your wife, Sir? Also, the media wants to know about the layout in ANIMAL ENQUIRER. They’re out there on the grounds and waiting with blood in their eyes for me to come out,” complained Cutty Sark who had cancelled her appointment at the Mental Health Center.
“Just tell them that Mrs. Simba and I are having difficulties and we will keep them informed, Cutty,” answered Shane Simba who had just arrived at his office and was feeling gutted from a night of sex and too much drink with his model friend.
“Oh, BALLS, Sir, what kind of half assed explanation is that?”
“The only one I’m prepared to give at the moment, Cutty, that’s what it is.”
“You’re throwing me to the lions, Sir,” she said and then grinned sheepishly.
“I think you’ve already been in that arena,” laughed Shane. ".....and I believe that correct expression pertains to wolves."
“I stand corrected, Sir.”
“Cutty, I’m going to Mombasa this weekend. Let’s do some windsurfing together. Are you game?” asked Shane.
“Oh gad; I feel more entrails will be ripped out soon. I’d like to join you, Sir. I love windsurfing. So, I am to go out and give the screaming news hounds a silly bromide as to what is wrong with your marriage?”
“You’ve got it,” laughed Shane.
Imani Lyon attempts to vamp Rory ......
Imani Janice Lyon crossed slender but shapely legs exposing lots of crotch in the doing. She wore a mini skirt and had finagled a session with Dr. Rory Lyon at the Mental Health Center. He sat insolently taking her in from the vantage point of a chair behind his desk.
“I see there’s no couch in here,” she mused, hoping it came off as wildly flirtatious and cheeky as she felt.
“No, I prefer my patients in a sitting position,” answered Rory, looking through Imani’s file on his desk. “I see you took the scissors to your clothes a while back. Didn’t approve of the fabric, colors or just what?”
Imani lit a cigarette in languid fashion and re-crossed her legs.
“No, I was in a state of rebellion. I hated my parents.”
“And now…do you still hate them?”
“No, I adore my dad. I have my own place – he pays the rent. My Mom is confused but I deal with her.”
Rory slammed the file shut. “So what’s your problem? Why did you seek my help?”
Imani leaned forward, eyes wild with excitement.
“I just wanted to get in your pants,” she admitted.
“You could have accomplished that without paying my fee. You’re wasting my professional time here. Where do you want to get laid, my place or yours?”
Imani’s jaw dropped like it was loaded with iron. She had not expected this.