Maurice & Friends

Betty deep in makeup removal and thought...

Betty Chimpo gave her face a thorough examination in the dressing table mirror. She was removing her makeup after a long evening of studying material for her coming classes at the university. She absentmindedly ran the sponge across her forehead. As she took off the day’s vestiges of makeup she made a promise to herself. Of course, I realize that it is not quite New Year’s Day where we make all sorts of promises to ourselves which are seldom kept beyond February. Betty had a great deal of soul searching to do. She realized that the first part of her life, sans cosmetic makeover, had been career oriented and male free. Since the makeover, Betty had led a life of frenetic sexual affairs, resulting in five husbands and six sons. This year would mark a change in her life. She would be a university department head and professor. I will not be a sexual vagrant, she promised herself. She went to her bathroom door, taking a cotton nightgown from the hook and put it on. Her bed welcomed her with its softness. She turned off the bedside lamp but was unable to do the same with her mind. There were no switches to fix that problem. She didn’t find sleep until the early hours of the morning, going over every transgression as well as triumphs in her life. In the morning, she was weary but strangely exhilarated. She padded to the kitchen for coffee. Babs was with her baboon troop for the holidays and Wilda Wildebeest was still visiting her father. Betty set up the coffee maker and lit a cigarette. She went to the porch where she realized night’s downpour had ceased. Her lack of sleep had been aggravated by torrential rains assaulting the roof. The sun was shining brightly.

“Yes, I am going to make a change in myself,” she almost shouted to the morning.

OKAPI’S was crowded with pre-Christmas lunch traffic. Ossie Okapi nodded to Bertram and me as we were led to a table by the host. We ordered double martinis waiting to be joined by Betty Chimpo. She had called early and wanted Bertram, Gloria and me to join her for lunch here. Gloria had last minute shopping to do so it resulted in Bertram and me answering her invitation. However, Betty was a bit late. Our martinis plus Bertram’s ubiquitous Crudités tray had to be ordered. It was on the table now and he was gorging on the raw veggies, sharing his straying spittle with the only one in attendance – me. I looked up to see Betty coming our way. She looked lovely and relaxed. I stood and we gave each other perfunctory cheek pecks. Bertram was too busy snapping on a plump and rosy radish to rise.

“So how is our recently anointed professor?” he asked, taking her hand.

“I could not be better, Bertram,” she responded and looked it.

The three of us had a lovely chat, harking back to old times. With the mellowed out holiday feel at our table, I wanted to invite Betty to Mombasa to be with Lachlan and me for Christmas, but remembered that Jack Tarzan was part of that plan. As it turns out, Chico Chimpo, Betty and Gloria’s brother, is planning a big bash at his house for the family which now includes Bertram.

All manner of construction was going on at the home Shane and Roy Lee Simba had purchased for their sons, Sean and Troy. A small construction crew from Lewis Lyon’s colossal company was pulling off plaster, repairing cracked walls, fighting off angry bats and bitching over the conditions in the dilapidated abode. Nevertheless, they were making headway. The place would probably be a humdinger when completed.

The downside to all of this for Sean Simba was the fact of his having to stay with his dad in the bush house. Things were dicey between father and son these days. Only Alexandra and his siblings offered relief from Shane Simba’s stern countenance when around his oldest son. Maybe Shane had purchased the bush house with Roy Lee, but Sean had asked for no such favor and was a bit miffed at the take over of his personal project. Thanks to Alexandra, things lightened up a bit. She had taken Shane aside and read him the riot act about Christmas being a time for family goodwill and cheer rather than one big fat sulk with Sean. This had worked well, as did all things when tackled by his wife. At dinner that night, Shane had asked Sean, most pleasantly, to tell them about his plans for football and soccer. Nevertheless, Sean would be glad when his place was finished so he and Troy could move in. They had been forced to leave the Leoparde Drive home. Caitlin Cougar and their uncle Chris Simba were in the process of completely redecorating it for their future move from the Serengeti.

Shane (right) makes a holiday truce with his son, Sean (left)

Troy Simba did not have the same problem. His mom, Chloe Cougar and his dad, Roy Lee, had plenty of space in their homes. In addition, Troy was on great terms with both.

Betty had just ended a very joyful visit with her sons, Tarek, Jalil and Solly Simba. Solly had driven his brothers to her home in his new Hummer. Things had been a bit chilly between Betty and Solly due to her hurting Jack Tarzan. Solly was inordinately fond of Jack and hated the fact of his mother’s desertion to pursue his half brother Sean. Now, with his mother looking so elegant, pulled together and purposeful, the young lion dropped his guard and the foursome had a great time. Two hours later, they pulled out of the driveway, waving at their mother and blowing air kisses in her direction.

Betty went inside and picked up the book she had been studying. She went to her desk and computer. The phone rang.

“Betty, the weather is perfect. How about a coffee at the Starbucks section in the pub? We can sit on the deck,” said Dickey Simba.

Dr. Terry Simba, the newly appointed chancellor for the Mara campus...

One of Bubba Simba’s sons had just arrived from graduate school in England. He had been benefiting from the rising star of the Simba pride. Although his father had a very minimal education, Terry Simba had a thirst for knowledge and pursued not only a degree but a doctorate as well. Terry’s studies had involved international business and Italian literature. Nothing further needs to be said about his looks. I have already waxed ad nauseam in regard to the heady appearance of the Simba males - cut, well defined bodies with manes to die for….that is, if you happen to be a male lion.

Terry was staying in his cubhood room in the rambling home of his parents. His mother, a rather spiteful and disgruntled lioness, was doting over her newly arrived son to the detriment of others less educated. Bubba Simba’s favorite lioness is Lulu. Terry’s mom is NOT Lulu and therefore pissed off at the ongoing favoritism.

The annual Christmas parade was even more impressive this year, the Masai Mara booming like cannons manned by edgy gunners. It was only marred by the gay pride group who was in a militant mood this season and headed by Maude and Harold Hyena’s lesbian daughters. There were several ill placed scuffles on the peripheral area of the gay pride’s float. Other than that, things went well. The younger, out of school for the holidays, went from the parade to the Watering Hole Pub to blow it out their respective asses.

Sandi Sandcat had just come off the runway at JAGGERS. There had been a huge crowd to see the garments for those well healed enough to buy them for Christmas gifts. Duke had been running around like a lion with his head cut off, roaring at those he felt were not swift enough in carrying out his constant commands. Leah Simba was working patiently among the models, adjusting bits of froth, filmy flounces and feather boas here and there. Sandi had modeled her last garment and was heading for the dressing room when she was accosted by Sean Simba in the hall.

“How did you get back here?” asked Sandi.

“Leah is my cousin and I’m the President’s son…..I go where I please- have dinner with me later?” he asked, stroking one boob with an insolent hand.

“Troy might find out,” she said, accepting an invasive kiss.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” insisted Sean, further exploring her small round fanny with another hand.

“Okay, then, I’ll meet you behind the building in about forty minutes,” she acquiesced.

Kenya University is a state run university system and as such, the major appointments such as heads of campuses are made by the President of Kenya. Risking criticism regarding nepotism, President Shane Simba called the returned Terry Simba to his office as one of his last activities before the Christmas break ensued. He welcomed his nephew, poured him a stiff drink and offered him the top plum as chancellor for the Mara branch of the university. Terry, slightly overwhelmed with the honor, accepted without hesitation. Shane’s instincts had been correct. The Masai Mara Daily and Kenya Post ran headlines when advised of the appointment that read: SIMBA PRIDE MEMBER APPOINTED TO PLUM POST AS CHANCELLOR OF KENYA UNIIVERSITY’S MARA CAMPUS. There were a few bitchy letters to the editors but since Shane had invested some of his personal wealth to the school’s benefit, there was little flurry to be dealt with. Shane Simba and his wife, Alexandra, were much loved in Kenya and could do no real wrong in the eyes of the populace. However, there were rumblings in another lion pride which I will address later.

Alexandra, Tanya, Shane and Sacha Simba leave for Christmas at their bush home.....

A Starbucks moment for Betty and her friend.....

The late afternoon coffee date with Dickey Simba was another soul searching session in which the lion justice minister and Betty Chimpo discussed their lives and ambitions. The rain had held off until the last moment, with a faint but steady sun waning behind the Cholulu Hills beyond the pub deck. After an hour of warming conversation, Dickey glanced at his watch.

“I’ve got somewhere I have to be after this,” he said. “Thanks for joining me, Betty. You always make my day much better.”

They both stood, he gave her a pat on the shoulder, put money down for the waiter and walked her to her car.

Music was raging in all areas of the Watering Hole Pub. Sean Simba, having had sex with Sandi Sandcat at the mansion (his family being in residence in the bush house) had driven her to the pub where the couple entered separate doors. After all, Sandi was supposed to be the semi-steady squeeze of his cousin and best bloke, Troy Simba. However, judging from Sandi’s erotic response to Sean in the sack, she couldn’t be THAT much into Troy. Oh well, whatever, mused Sean as he scouted the area looking for hot chicks. He found another cousin, Georgy Simba, looking quite dejected on a bar stool.

Sean and Georgy in the sports bar...

“You look bloody glum,” stated Sean, who was entirely without sensitivity training at this point in his life.

Georgy hiccupped as she took a long swill from her straight vodka. “Juma (Mnyama) says I’m too immature for his life style. He was real shitty about it. He dropped me cold. He is in here with another date. I hate him!”

Sean looked across the room and found the lion AIDS doctor in deep conversation with Angelina Cougar huddled in a booth in the corner of the sports bar. Damn, he thought, I wanted her. He checked out Georgy who had once been pregnant by him. She was looking gloomy yet still sexy in her melancholy. He pulled her from the stool with a strong arm and led her through the crowded pub, into the rain swept night air. He took her to the mansion, despite the skeleton staff’s jaundiced eyes, and bedded her.

Sean Simba had engaged in a great deal of sexual activity this night but he couldn’t leave it at that. After depositing Georgy at the pub again, he headed for Betty’s house. The hour was late. Betty was in a deep slumber with ear plugs in place and a sleep mask over her eyes. Wilda Wildebeest was still up writing an article for the Daily. She answered the door to find a drunken Sean Simba swaying in the dim light on the front stoop.

“I want to see Betty,” he demanded.

“She is fast asleep, Sean,” stated Wilda in a non nonsense voice.

“I said I WANT TO SEE BETTY.”

The young male made the mistake of trying to push pass the wildebeest in a drunken effort to get to Betty. With one terrific head slam, Wilda landed Sean Simba flat on his ass and closed the door, locking it with the double bolt.

It went unrecorded but nevertheless, it was the first time in natural history that a lion had been brought down by a wildebeest.