SORTING IT OUT
Stress is the trash of modern life - we all generate it but if you don't dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.
Danzae Pace
Alexandra Simba arrived in her office in the State House having spent a night alone and with very little sleep. Bernice Bear, who always arrives very early, greeted her friend and boss.
“Tea is in order, Alexandra, you look very tired, dear,” soothed the compassionate grizzly patting the forlorn woman on the shoulder and giving her a quick hug.
“I am dreadfully tired,” admitted Alexandra.
At 8:00 sharp, Cutty Sark arrived. Shane’s wife recognized the attractive blond from the newspaper photos.
“Oh gosh!” exclaimed Cutty, clutching a morning tabloid to her bosom in alarm. “You must be Mrs. Simba.”
“Yes, I am,” said Alexandra extending a hand to the dismayed woman. “And you are?”
Bernice Bear may be a grizzly but she knows when to keep her cool and stay out of the fray. Instead of involving herself, she slipped out of the office and scampered down the hall to mine. She found me with my mocha Starbucks perusing the New York Times. I looked up.
“Maury, Alex is back and in the office. Cutty arrived and I don’t know what to do - damn - do bears shit in the woods or what,” she groused.
“When did Alex get back?” I asked, my own alarms sounding loudly by now.
“I don’t have the foggiest idea. All I know is that she’s back and introducing herself to Cutty as we speak.”
We did damn little guess work as it was. Shane arrived followed by Alexandra. They went in his inner office and closed the door. We all jockeyed for undignified positions so as to hear what ensued between the couple.
“I am back so you have no need for a social secretary, Shane. Shall I relieve Miss Sark of that position or will you?” shouted Alexandra behind the thickness of the oaken door.
“You will relieve her of NO position, Alex, is that clear? She is my press secretary as well as head of social functions for the State House. She will remain in both positions,” he growled.
She began to weep. “I did a superb job of running the social functions, you dick, and you bloody well know that,” she cried.
“You lost the job when you took a powder, Alex. Bring the children home and you will have plenty to do. In the meantime, I’m busy.”
She almost knocked us over as she burst through the door sobbing. Shane’s main baboon secretary was almost toppled from the chair she had rolled near the door to eavesdrop.
“Maurice,” summoned my boss.
I adjusted my tie and entered his office to go over the morning’s events with him. One would never have guessed moments before I had inappropriately held a curious ear to the door. I was looking reasonably innocent as I took my seat in front of his desk.
Dickey Simba pressed his tall, muscular length against Betty Chimpo. They were both naked and in his apartment. Betty was against the wall in his bedroom, his hands on either side of her head as he pushed erotically, sultrily rotating his pelvis. He was stoned on hashish and slightly drunk to boot.
“Now that Shane is disengaged again, how will that change the landscape for you, Betty?”
“It won’t, Dickey, I’ve already told you this. I’m in love with you,” she said pressing her face to his chest and nibbling slightly at an inviting nipple.
“Convince me,” he said, burying his face in her neck.
“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do more. This is the kind of assignment I like,” she said, taking a sip from the wine that stood nearby on the dresser. “So much more fun than grading papers.”
She placed the wineglass on the dresser and put her arms around his neck drawing him into a very deep and satisfying kiss.
Caroline Cheetah decided that with Shane Simba no longer enmeshed with his wife this was the time to renew her efforts at getting him involved with her. She no longer even had Sloane Simba’s friendship. They had divorced and only shared the bond of mutual parenthood with the adorable Cynthia Simba, their cub. It was obvious to Caroline that Sloane was getting cozier and cozier with his lady love, Lucy Cougar. He seemed to have abandoned his bush home, choosing to share Lucy’s with her. She pulled on silken panty hose and admired her leggy self in the mirror. She decided that a trip to JAGGERS was in order. She beamed once more at her image before heading for her evening shtick as news anchor at WMM-TV.
Caroline Cheetah ready to make a move on the president...
If there was anything that Sean Simba didn’t relish it was the idea of having his fatally attractive father returned to the singles’ scene. It was obvious that though Alexandra Simba was ‘back’, she wasn’t really ‘back’ in the full sense of the word. That was a damn hot model that Shane had tucked away in Mombasa. Sean would have liked some of that action but last weekend the girl had cut him dead. She was obviously all about his dad. Damn. Sean examined his precociously full maned image in the mirror. He sprayed a bit of Revlon fixer on his mane. He was a handsome jock. So what if pops was on the scene again - nothing like brash, merciless youth to filch some of the tarts from his side.
Sean Simba engaged in a game of pool at the pub.....
Susie the squirrel wonder twittered about the keyboard on my office computer. Scampering across filing cabinets she inserted the proper papers and folders.
“Susie, please join me for a Starbucks,” I invited. “I am taking a well earned break.”
“Oooh, Maurice, you’re too kind,” she said, jumping from the filing cabinet to my desktop.
“My last secretary lacked your agility,” I giggled.
“Can’t have everything, Maurice,” she countered.
I hadn’t realized yet that Susie was developing quite a crush on my gay male self.
Susie, my new secretary taking a morning coffee break....
In other parts of the State House that morning, things were not so pleasant. Cutty Sark was having a quick cup of coffee before setting off to Shane’s office to offer a new social event for his approval. Bernice Bear, still stricken by Alexandra’s misery at having Cutty there in the first place, was quietly sipping her Earl Grey tea laced with brandy from her filing cabinet.
“It’s okay, Bernice, if I have to leave then so be it. I’ll find another job in the Mara,” soothed Cutty.
“I like you both so much, Cutty – I don’t want you to have to leave here.”
“We’ll see what the President’s take is on the matter. I’m heading his way now,” announced Cutty, grabbing a folder off the desk and heading out the door.
Cutty, me and Shane meet in his office.....
Condoleezza back in Kenya with Kofi Annan....
Shane Simba’s face lit up as Cutty entered his office. He gestured for her to have a seat in front of his desk.
“What’s up this morning, Cutty?” he asked gaily.
“I believe that Condaleezza is on her way back to Kenya if the rumor mill is correct however, I believe that the government needs to throw a fundraiser for the displaced people and kids of Kenya. Mildred Lyon and her daughter have held one as well as the Cheetahs and Cougars. Don’t you think you should do your own version?”
“Most assuredly and what do you suggest?”
“A barbecue of the sort thrown in Kansas – I can stage one of those with one hand tied behind my back, Sir.”
“We have our own barbecue king in the Mara. His name is Wally Warthog and he’s an expert.”
“Great, does he know about slaw?” giggled Cutty.
“Slaw?” asked Shane.
“Never mind, I will engineer that part. Do I have your okay to proceed?”
“You certainly do and by the way, Cutty, don’t let my wife’s presence deter you. She is not your boss – I am.”
“As you say, Sir.”
Cutty teaches a perplexed Juanita Warthog to make slaw.....
Later Cutty stood in the humongous kitchen of the Watering Hole Pub, adorned in an apron and tried to explain the ramifications of slaw to a frustrated Juanita and Wally Warthog.
And I also have my special recipe for barbecue sauce,” announced the human to the owners of the pub.
Speechlessly the couple watched Cutty as she slung together ingredients for her own Cutty’s Magic Sauce into a great pot on the industrial restaurant stove.
Alexandra Simba held her marital ground, phoning her brother to send the children, Tanya and Sacha Simba. Shane went with her to the airport to welcome his son and daughter. That first evening in the mansion was very pleasant. Staci Simba Lyon and husband Ashley joined her father with their cubs. With the affable Ashley at the table, the chat flowed freely with only a few signs of tension. After dinner and coffee, the first couple was once again alone with their children. They made a show of putting their offspring to bed with the usual hugs, kisses and patois. When Alexandra put on her robe expecting her husband to join her in their cozy bedroom with the warming fire, she waited overlong. Going to the library she found Shane missing.
“Where is the President?” she inquired of the houseboy.
“Rais Simba left in the limousine, M’sabu,” was his answer.
The presidential limousine pulled in front of a house on Leoparde Drive. The guards rang the doorbell. Betty, who was alone in the house except for her sleeping sons, Jalil and Tarek, answered.
“Have you got a drink for a friendly ex-husband, Fifi?” asked Shane.
Betty took his hand and pulled him inside.
“You must be pretty freaking stressed to seek me out.”
The fire still glimmered in her sitting room. She poured him a steep Scotch.
“So what brings you here, Shane?”
“You have always been very empathetic, Betty. I am at loose ends,” he said, lighting their cigarettes.
“Is it Alex?”
“Yes, it is.”
“What happened?”
“Do you have all night?” he asked with a harsh, sardonic burst of bitter laughter.
“Let me poke the fire and bring another bottle of Scotch. Fortunately tomorrow is Saturday and there are no classes.”
The clock on Betty’s mantel stood at 1:00 am. She and Shane were still in deep conversation many drinks later.
“It all went to hell, Betty, during the conflict. I think I realized that Alex had been directing my every thought and gesture and I no longer want a human being to do that,” he said, lighting his seventh cigarette.
The ashtray overflowed. Shane put another log on the fire.
“Shane, try to reason a bit – have you been totally fair with your thoughts toward her?”
He put his head in his hands and ran them through his mane.
“I don’t know if I can any longer, Fifi – this thing with Kenya has wrecked my psyche, it seems.”
She placed a slim hand on his wrist. “Kenya has almost destroyed a number of lives, Shane. You just happen as the president to have caught the brunt.”
He leaned over and kissed her briefly, then poured another drink for them. When he handed hers to her, he once again leaned toward her. She placed her hands on both sides of his face and began to kiss him with unleashed emotion and the passions she had stored from years of obsession with this lion.
At Lachlan’s suggestion, we had Susie Squirrel to dinner at our place. She chattered about the kitchen as Lachlan made his special stew. Hopping close to the pot, she surveyed the concoction and pronounced the aroma to be delicious. We had a great time and found my new secretary to be most learned and a genuine wit to boot.
“Whoa,” thought Betty as she awoke on Saturday morning to find Shane gone from her bed. She stumbled to her kitchen to make coffee since Babs was on vacation and Wilda Wildebeest had joined her family in the Serengeti. There was a note on her refrigerator from Jalil and Tarek. It read: We met Dad coming out of your bedroom this morning. Since we are spending the weekend with him in the bush house, we just caught a ride there. Cheers and love ya, J. and T.
Betty put the coffee maker to rights and sat listening for the tell tale bubbling which would indicate her first cup was ready. She damn well needed it.