Maurice & Friends

The fire was crackling in the grate as Betty Chimpo went about staging the atmosphere for her expected visitor. She put on one dim lamp but decided that the ambiance was too romantically contrived. She certainly didn’t want to turn anyone off. She put a bottle of red wine on the tray with three glasses in case Wilda should come home and join them. The doorbell rang and she heard Babs answer. Then Dickey Simba was in the room, holding a bottle of wine that he had brought.

“A good fire is needed this evening,” he said, handing her the bottle. “It’s a bit chilly.”

They settled down before the warming flames with their wine.

“Betty, I think I sort of came off as icy that last evening in the bar in Nairobi. That’s really not my true character,” he said, lighting a cigarette.

“Please, Dickey,” she said, placing a finger on his lips. “You don’t need to explain. I was out of line with my questions.”

He removed her hand and held it in his.

“No, you really weren’t….just premature is all. We are still in a very early stage of this relationship. Let’s don’t take any giant leaps for now.”

“I won’t do that anymore, Dickey, this has been my problem in previous relationships – I am far too hasty.”

“And I am totally new at anything even bordering on serious.”

At those words, Betty’s heart did a quick wobble – he had uttered the word ‘serious’ in connection with her. There was hope yet.

Dickey and Betty in a cozy toast.....

Shane with Kofi Annan, here to mediate in Kenya.....

There was a feeling of hope in Kenya for the time being. There were many outsiders of note helping Shane soothe the current debacle. Shane, though totally weary, had a look of one who had emerged from a long battle, barely surviving.

“Shane, I am here this weekend. Why don’t you and Alexandra take the time in Mombasa? You look on the verge of physical collapse,” stated vice president, Daniel Lyon.

Of all of us, Shane Simba had taken the biggest hit. He had been totally absorbed in bringing the country he leads, out of peril. Now he was drained, his usually intense green eyes dulled with exhaustion. We all seconded Daniel’s proposal.

“If you continue running your hands through your mane, you may no longer have one,” I teased.

Shane and Alexandra kick back in their home and on their boat in Lamu district, Kenya.....

Sue Chimpo sat slumped in Betty’s overstuffed chair in the library. She had come from a long day of overseeing the housekeeping staff at the Four Seasons Hotel. She lit a cigarette and got to the point of her visit with her sister.

“Now that I’m looking so good, Betts, why don’t you fix me up with some of those hot male lions that you date?”

Betty, just home from a long day of lecturing packed classes at Kenya University was in no mood for her sister’s twaddle. She had already worked through ex-husband, Ashley Lyon, to pull strings with his brother, Lewis, for Sue’s current job upgrade. She had put money in the pot for her Sue’s cosmetic surgery. However, Sue, not having endured the complete makeover that Betty had undergone years before, probably lacked the chutzpah and sex appeal that would appeal to male lions. Add that to the fact that Sue was quite ignorant, having failed to take advantage of the educational opportunities that Betty, Gloria and Chico had seized.

“Sue, I think you are perfectly capable of culling your own lion males. I have no intention of pimping for you,” snapped Betty. “Is it completely over with Olaf Orangutan?”

Betty made a drink, lit a cigarette and sat down.

“Hell yes, Olaf is a schmuck. Gloria married the only decent looking ape in Kenya and Maurice Monkee is gay as a goose.”

“I am sure you can find other apes or at least seek out your own supply of lions, Sue. I don’t know any at the moment,” stated Betty.

Sue stuck out her bottom lip and screeched, “Liar, liar, pants on fire. You’re dating one now. You’ve got a shit load of manes in your closet. You are lying your ass off.”

Betty was saved by Wilda Wildebeest’s arrival. Wilda joined them for drinks and stayed there until the annoying Sue had made her exit. When apprised of the reason behind Sue’s visit, Wilda, in her usually brusque manner, made a suggestion to Betty’s sister.

“I could introduce you to a wildebeest male?” ventured Wilda.

Sue looked at Wilda in as if she had suggested dating assorted sea monsters.

“Those things have hooves. I wouldn’t date one of them,” hooted Sue.

“They also have dicks,” observed Wilda, lighting a cigarette. “I sort of thought that might be your point.”

Taking advantage of Pete Levin’s presence in the Masai Mara and sleeping with the Tanzanian lion president each night in her uncle’s hotel, Imani Janice Lyon probed his weaknesses. Pete is as emotionally bankrupt as Imani but he simply dotes on his sexuality. Imani, chastity not being high on her list of priorities, provided Pete’s needs and then some where sex was concerned. In a moment of weakness rendered as a result of multiple orgasms, Pete promised Imani an engagement ring. Now you do not promise the acid Imani something without carrying through on the deal. Also, remember, she is the granddaughter of the former president, Ralph Lyon, and the great niece of current Kenyan president, Shane Simba – one might say Imani is flawlessly connected. While Shane and Alexandra enjoyed a brief respite in Lamu, Imani dragged Pete to Tiffany & Co. in her uncle’s mall. There the hapless Pete purchased a diamond ring circled by emeralds. The paparazzi, with the lull in Kenyan violence, were freer than usual. Those who chose not to chase down the President and his wife during their brief stay on the Indian Ocean hung out in the Mara digging up dirt. They caught the Tanzanian President and his current toot coming out of the jewelry store and had a heyday.

Imani Lyon with her new engagement ring.....

Sean and Dina.....

The only lion male known to history for having impregnated a human is Shane Simba who fathered natural twins with his wife, Alexandra Delamere Simba. The DNA allowing the full range of interspecies impregnations apparently passed down intact to his oldest son, Sean, who is now living with a former human squeeze of his dad’s – Dina Myers. Dina was headed out to a day of counseling at Lyon Law Firm. She stopped in her tracks with an intense case of morning nausea. Tossing her cookies, she shakily made her way to the office.

` Meanwhile, the bearer of the super sperm made his way to football practice. Sean Simba gave Junior Lyon a wide berth in case the very strict coach should detect last night’s booze on his star athlete’s breath.

Sean's dad, Shane Simba with his half human daughter, Tanya....

TANZANIAN PRESIDENT ENGAGED TO KENYAN LION ROYALTY glared the newspapers in our region. Pete Levin groaned while Imani pranced about as if the world is her personal oyster - which in some ways, it is.

Pete and Imani outside the Four Seasons Hotel.....

That same week, those on the deck of the Watering Hole Pub were treated to a most unusual sight. Chris Simba, no fan of fatherhood, his or others, was seen with his tiny daughter, Beatrice Cougar-Simba, in a carrier feeding her small bites from a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream cup. Daddy was preoccupied in wiping baby’s tiny mouth when he heard an amused feline chuff. Standing over him on the deck was his first wife, the black leopard model, Zambia. She took a seat at the table uninvited.

“I never thought I’d see the day when you even had a cub strapped on you much less wiping ice cream from its face,” laughed Zambia.

“This is my daughter, Beatrice,” said, Chris, slightly embarrassed at being caught in such a blatantly paternal act.

“Do you do diapers as well?” goaded his ex-wife.

“They are paper these days, Zambia,” explained Chris.

“Hell, I didn’t know, Chris,” she giggled lighting a cigarette and crossing sleek silken legs. “I was smart and never had any kiddies. Anyhow, paper or fabric, do you change them?”

“Uh, no…not really,” hedged Chris not liking the way this way this conversation was heading.

“Well that would be more in keeping with the totally self-centered and spoiled Chris that I remember. Buy me an after work martini?”

“I guess,” he answered Chris, beckoning a waiter their way.

Chris Simba with daughter Beatrice.....

And his first wife, Zambia, leopardess model for JAGGERS....

The next invitation came by way of a phone call from the State House. Things had heated up in Kenya again but after a weekend in Mombasa, Shane and Alexandra Simba were slightly refreshed. Dickey Simba and I were not. With the help of Daniel Lyon, we had held things together working around the clock. Shane had told Dickey and me to take a few hours off and go home.

Dickey took his bong from the cabinet and filled it with hashish. He poured a glass of wine and went to his living room. He took off his shoes and crashed on the sofa. He looked at his watch and saw that it was late afternoon. His phone rang regularly picked up by his answering machine. Three calls from Simone Serval and four from Chloe Cougar. He dialed his phone.

“Have a nice day?” he asked Betty.

“Tiring but worthwhile,” was her answer.

“I was going to invite you over for the few hours I have at home but I’m getting very drowsy,” he admitted.

“Why don’t you get some needed sleep, Dickey? I have to prepare for an additional lecture tomorrow. But I loved that you asked me,” she said.

“If Kenya has not come apart at the seams by the weekend, I’ll call you then.”

“Perfect and I pray our country will be alright, Dickey. I know you and Shane are working to keep it that way.”

“We and quite a few others are working our asses to a nub around the clock,” he said.

“Keep safe, Dickey.”

Dickey Simba had already dozed off, his phone receiver dangling from the sofa. Betty lit a cigarette and felt the love for him wash over her. She had handled that well. Maybe she was growing up after all.

Dina Myers brought home a pregnancy test. Sean was not there so she went to the bathroom and did all the things needed to carry it out. When it read positive, she bit her lip and went to the kitchen, putting Sean’s dirty plates in the dishwasher. She showered and waited in her most fetching Victoria Secret’s nightwear. At 4:00 am, she finally nodded off watching television. The pregnant Dina was blissfully unaware that Sean was in his rented home with Troy Simba. Georgy Simba was next to him in the bed. They were sharing a joint. The group had partied hardy, there being no practice for three more days.