SETTING THINGS STRAIGHT
Cats don't like change without their consent.
Roger Caras
This annoying piece appeared in our neighboring country’s newspaper when George Bush, avoiding Kenya, arrived in Tanzania.
DAR ES SALAAM, Tanzania, Feb. 16 -- President Bush opened a six-day, five-nation tour of Africa on Saturday with a warning to Kenya's government that it needs to agree to a power-sharing arrangement with the opposition to settle a post parliamentary election upheaval that has torn the country apart.
I was sitting in Shane’s office when Cutty Sark popped in. She was brisk and to the point as usual, her blue eyes sparkling with uncharted mischief.
“I am sure that you have something to say about George Bush today, am I correct?” she asked.
“The usual Bush engendered bullshit – all warnings and no substance. He can go fuck himself,” remarked our lion president.
“Well, you have a large crowd of reporters just outside on the steps. They’re waiting for you to remark on his statements,” I added.
The sun shone brightly as Shane, followed by Cutty and me, stood facing the crush of reporters. Of course they wanted to know what Shane’s reaction was to Bush’s warning about Kenya.
Shane spoke for a bit about the roles of Kofi Annan and Nelson Mandela in easing Kenya’s tribal problems saying, “Annan and Mandela, working with our government, are the reason that Kenya avoided potential genocide. I have nothing but warm words of praise and gratitude for these two gentlemen.”
“And George Bush?” shouted the reporters almost in a voice.
Shane, as we all stood shocked, and I must admit amused, gave the Republican president of the United States the finger. He added fuel to the fire by announcing that Kenya was behind Barack Obama in the 2008 race for the presidency.
Shane gives the presidential finger to anther leader's comments on Kenya...
We retreated to Shane’s office after the press conference. Cutty took a seat and scribbled on her yellow legal pad.
“You are probably a Republican, Cutty, and I apologize to you but not to your president,” said Shane, pouring three glasses of Scotch for us.
She looked up and grinned. “President Simba, I happen to be a Kansas Democrat from a long line of such.”
“By the way, please call me Shane, the alternatives are such a mouthful,” he told her.
“I will do that if you will just call me Cutty. Sark is really Sarkis and the name of my ex-husband,” she giggled.
“And your maiden name?”
“The most ordinary name in America – Smith - Cutty Smith.”
“And Cutty is not a nickname?” He asked, intense interest lurking behind the sea colored eyes.
“Oh shit, now we are getting personal. Yes, Cutty is a name my parents simply adored – go figure. My dad is a retired Navy captain. He is all about vintage ships,” she laughed.
“Good choice,” agreed Shane. “By the way, my leopardess press secretary took a powder when things got tough in Kenya. Want to combine two positions with double pay?” he asked.
“Oh how wild, yes if you’re sure.”
“Yes, I am. If you do as well in the press job as you did with the reception, you will fit both bills.”
“Now mine is a more relaxed way of doing things, you know, informal gatherings and prone to barbecues,” she teased.
“Good, Kenya has had enough of post colonial British formality. Have at it, Cutty.”
This statement was a direct slap at his wife, Alexandra. I realized then that he was, indeed, hurt by her continued absence with no further contact of a personal nature.
Alexandra Delamere Simba sat in the main drawing room of her brother’s manor in Wiltshire England. She was seeing the picture of Shane giving George Bush the finger. That didn’t surprise her at all. Shane had in no way acknowledged the Bush White House, never meeting there when in America. The disturbing thing was the pert blond that she had seen in recent news photos just behind Shane or conversing with Condaleezza Rice when she visited.
“Ian, I am going to Kenya. Can the children stay here for the time being?” she asked her brother.
“Of course, my dear that goes without saying” he told her without glancing up from the Times which was his habitual evening read.
The next morning, Alexandra gazed out the window of a British Airways jet as it climbed bumpily into the clouds and banked south toward Kenya. She drank four glasses of champagne before the knot loosened its grip on her gut.
Tookie Simba, head of the thriving Simba Resorts....
Tookie Simba, the hard bitten only female offspring of the lioness matriarch, Sarah Lee Simba, stood in her office eyeballing the personage of Cutty Sark. Cutty had asked the sister of Shane Simba if she knew of any properties for rent or sale on the Mombasa coast. Tookie tapped her face with a pencil and thought the matter over.
“You want ritzy or not so?” queried the lioness.
“I’m not exactly a high roller but I do enjoy water sports. The sea soothes me - let me look at modest rentals,” was the answer.
“The condo next to mine in this resort is available for rent. It faces the ocean and has a great beach. I can give you a special price since I manage this property. Shane says you’re doing a great job for him.”
“That sounds very interesting. Can I see it?”
“Sure you can,” said Tookie, taking a set of keys off the wall in her office and heading out the door followed by Cutty.
Alexandra made her way incognito into the crowds that thronged the airport in Nairobi. Placing a scarf around her head and pulling it around her face, she garnered no notice. She had called her good friend Stanley Morrison. He was there to greet her, taking her smaller bag from her. He summoned a porter and asked him to collect Alexandra’s luggage and bring it to her home in Nairobi.
Alexandra arrives in Kenya......
Alexandra's
home in Nairobi
Once before a roaring fire in Alexandra’s home in Karen Woods, the two long time pals made drinks and lit cigarettes. Stanley noticed the drawn look of Alexandra’s features – suffering lay heavily there.
“What’s the plan, Alex, or is there one?” asked Stanley putting a hand on his friend's.
“I love Shane very much. I want to get our marriage back on track,” she murmured.
“Alex, you once said you would leave him if he was unfaithful. There are pictures of him with some tart in Paris and Mombasa,” chided Stanley, but gently.
“I said a great deal, Stanley. I sent a bad signal when I left too soon after he had gone through all this shit with Kenya.”
“You went to see your children, Alex, what’s so terrible about that?”
“I left because I felt he resented me because I am human. Now I know that wasn’t the case. He has hired a human and is shagging another. I have to take stock of what’s happening. We have two children who are going to have a very difficult time if I have to raise them alone.”
“Shall I go with you to the Mara? We can stay in the hotel there,” offered Stanley.
“I want you to go with me. We’ll stay at the mansion where I plan to reinstate myself.”
“Ummmm, I see,” said her friend.
The weekend Alexandra chose to ‘reinstate’ her role in the mansion was one that saw Shane Simba in Mombasa. In fact, we all were flocking there in droves. Sylvia and Bernard Cougar were sharing a fundraising event with Cynthia and Dorian Cheetah in their neighboring homes on the beach on the Indian Ocean. I think absolutely everyone was invited to this all day and into the night soiree.
“Be sure we have our check books with us before we go,” cautioned Lachlan. “I am sure we will have to give generous donations to the displaced children’s fund.”
Shane and the model he failed to introduce to anyone at the Cougar-Cheetah party....
The Cougar and Cheetah homes and surrounding turf were packed with the A-list. The two homes are joined by pebbled walkways and patios. It was a casual event and dictated the dress. Betty was there with Dickey Simba. Shane had brought his sister, Tookie and Cutty Sark. Duke the lion designer and Leah Simba Tarzan gave a large donation from JAGGERS. Of course we all got smashed (one wonders how long we can use the excuse of near-national catastrophe for getting shit-faced). Many of the younger set headed to the beach for bouts of nudity and whatever else ensued. Much later in the evening, Shane was joined quietly by a very beautiful woman. I saw him caressing her curvy behind. Shortly after, they disappeared not to be seen again at this particular party.
Lachlan and I nursed hangovers the next morning and were invited to Tookie Simba’s for a brunch. When we arrived, Tookie immediately took us next door where we found Cutty busily putting out canapés on a makeshift table.
“I rented this, guys,” she enthused. “Tookie found it for me. I haven’t fixed it up yet. How about it?”
It was obvious that the rebellious nature of Tookie Simba, a lioness, had found a human counterpart in the lively Cutty.
Lachlan chats with Cutty at her brunch.....
Shane and Alexandra Simba confront each other....
She knew that he was home when the sound of footsteps echoed in the hall just outside the mansion’s elevator. There she heard the voices of his Masai guards and Shane calling for his whiskey. She braced herself, straightening her posture on the library couch. She lit a cigarette and took a gulp of her Merlot. Suddenly she stood and moved toward the door just as he entered.
“I’m back, Luv,” she managed to say.
He gave his jacket to the houseboy and looked at her. He failed to kiss or greet her in anyway. He sat down as the servant entered, placing the silver tray with Scotch and glass before him. Shane poured a generous drink for himself and lit a cigarette. He was certainly taking his sweet time responding thought Alexandra. She stood in front of him involuntarily wringing her hands.
“In what capacity are you back, Alexandra?” he said almost hissing the word ‘back’.
“Back as the head of this household, as your wife and the mother of two of your children,” she stated, sitting down near him on the couch.
“Where are my children?”
“In England with Ian and Maggie.”
He raised his brow ever so slightly in mock amusement.
“That doesn’t bode well for your intentions, Alexandra. Not boding well also was the fact of your leaving without so much as a word to me or anyone else for that matter - just poof, no Alex. That really stung on top of my problems with Kenya. Do you have an explanation for this unexpected departure or is it just your nature?”
Shane, I love you. I was hurt by your rejection of me during the upheaval.”
He stood abruptly, spilling whiskey from his glass.
“What rejection, Alexandra? My God, this country I lead was falling apart around me. Are you so self centered that all you thought about was your being human and me not climbing on top of you every night because I was so fucking exhausted?”
“Shane, my group of humans didn’t cause Kenya’s woes. It is the indigenous people of Kenya who waged war on each other. My group……”
He cut her off with a roar, “Your goddamn colonialists started the whole thing by ruling and seizing all power from the tribal groups – and I might mention killing all the animals that you could target in your gun sights.”
She shouted and she hadn’t meant to. “Are you blaming me for Kenya’s problems?”
“No, I am simply blaming you for hauling ass without a word at the time I needed you most – AND TAKING MY CHILDREN WITH YOU!!”
She tried to stand and hug him but he brushed her off. He left the room and she heard the elevator door open and the guard’s voices as they followed him.
At midnight when he hadn’t returned, Alexandra dropped into their bed and cried herself into a restless sleep.
I have a new secretary. She is quite adorable but barely large enough to hop on a desk. However, once there she can work a compute keyboard like there’s no tomorrow. She is a well educated squirrel – yes, Kenya has them. Her name is Susie. She did more work on her first day than Bertram’s distant cousin did the whole year.
Me with my new assistant Susie Doreen Squirrel....