NUDE WORKS!
If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
Erma Bombeck
The first couple enjoy the Alps in Lake Como, Italy.....
To lessen Alexandra’s angst of the past weeks, Shane took his wife to their villa on Lake Como. They left their children with nannies and spent their time kicking back, reading, making love and skiing in the heavy mantel of snow that graced the Alps above the villa. They drank cognac before warming fires laid in the gargantuan fireplace in the main drawing room. At night they luxuriated in the silken, goose down coverlets that adorned their bed. They took leisurely walks to the restaurant Shane owned with Lewis Lyon, a short distance from their house. There they dined on grouse and boar steaks washed down with expensive wines. The couple spent a refreshing few days and returned in a more relaxed state, more in love then ever.
With the holiday season in full crank, JAGGERS was a harried place to work, especially if you had to run the fashion house. Leah Simba, along with the various staff members including designer, Duke the lion, were in a frenzy of fittings and rush orders for holiday wedding gear. There were four runway shows in the offing. Duke was marking a dress on junior model Georgy Simba when he began to sputter.
“What is wrong with you, Georgy? Too many run-throughs at McDonalds or are you eating directly from the butter dish in the fridge?” he roared. “Your waistline is expanding and your ass looks like a bag of trophy animals.”
“I guess it’s the French Fries, Duke,” she lied most glibly.
“I suggest you just say ‘no’, Georgy, I am going to have to adjust these markings EVERYWHERE.”
Duke makes adjustments on Georgy's garment....
Duke, after mistakenly sticking a pin in the hapless Georgy, looked over at Leah who was fitting an organza confection on the tiny gazelle, Delilah Dik Dik.
“How is it going with your simply divine architect, Leah?” he asked.
“We had dinner together last night,” she murmured through pins clenched in her teeth.
“I don’t give a proper shit whether you ate dinner or not, I am inquiring about the sex,” pressed the gay lion designer who was now one of Leah’s closest friends.
Delilah gave a tiny gazelle giggle, more like a snigger and Georgy gave a robust laugh.
“Next question, Duke, how is your recent squeeze, Gerald Giraffe?” giggled Leah.
“Oh, dear heavens, Leah girl, I get weary of climbing those tall haunches with sex games in mind. By the time I’ve made that heady ascent, I’ve lost my erection,” bitched Duke.
Both teenagers burst into gales of laughter at this declaration.
No one could have been happier than Jack Tarzan when Betty’s pregnancy was confirmed. He had not known how much he had longed for offspring of his own until he heard the news. He even brought a huge Christmas tree home, with Solly helping him drag it to the library where it would stand.
“Isn’t this tree a bit premature, Sweetheart?” giggled Betty. “It will get all dried out before Christmas.”
“Then we’ll get another one, Mom,” laughed Solly.
“He’s right, Betty, if this one dries, it’s out for another,” said Jack, taking his wife in his arms and kissing her roundly.
“It’s a beautiful tree, Jack,” said Betty, examining the tall evergreen which Jack and Solly had taken from the mountain regions of the Kenyan highlands.
“These are special times, Betty,” said Jack. “We have a real family situation here and we are going to celebrate out the ass this year.”
“I think we should, Jack, my love,” agreed Betty.
Betty and Jack with their first Christmas tree together.....
Arlon Lyon was having a fine time with Lee Simba, Roy Lee’s daughter with Chloe Cougar, who showed her mother’s propensities for bawdiness. When he wasn’t sharing family hours with his father, Ashley and his new wife, Staci Simba, he was with Jack and Betty at their lively home. However, when he felt the urge as all young male lions will, he called Lee and took her to Ashley’s safari club bungalow which was empty. There Lee would show off the sexy underwear she had purchased from the new Victoria’s Secret in his uncle’s mall. Arlon would light a fire in the grate and stretch out on the floor as he watched Lee prance and do bumps and grinds as she sported all sorts of exotic lingerie. Then Arlon would take advantage of Lee’s seemingly experienced take on sex which involved acrobatics of the most enjoyable sort.
Squibs in the Kenya Post and Masai Mara Daily reported that an Englishman of a troubled nature had done in Johanna Delacroix. Apparently the aggressive and beautiful woman had lured him to her rented flat after a great amount of tippling at a local pub. He had been arrested and confessed that he bashed the woman in the head with a piece of firewood, finishing her off with a bullet from her own pistol after she had ridiculed him when a bout of alcohol induced erectile dysfunction rendered him incapable of performance. It was just too much for the chronic alcoholic with a psychiatric past to endure. The temptress had been silenced forever. Many in Kenya were relieved. Only a few had their zippers at half-mast in memoriam. Shane Simba was not among those nor was his brother, Chris. Both failed to mourn the nettlesome woman. Shane was not at all averse to seeing the lady, who had held him in thrall briefly and lost his natural child, planted beneath the sod of her native England.
Sparks flew from the stage of the Catherine Cheetah Simba Memorial Theater. Lion actor and director, Micah Mbube was at his wit’s end already and rehearsals had just begun. The protagonists were Bop Boon and fellow cast mate, Chloe Cougar. The two had long been at each others’ throats as contract players at Baboon-Simba Studios, now they transported that same feeling of loathing to their stage endeavor. The two were leading actresses in Lillian Hellmann’s play about lesbian school teachers, The Children’s Hour. Christine Cheetah Mbube, the director of the arts center and Micah’s wife had to soothe and ply her husband with much drink as he attempted to unwind at home.
Chloe Cougar would begin the rehearsal day by complaining that ‘the ape’ had done something or other that disturbed her. Bop, a baboon, referred to Chloe, a leopard-cougar mix who looked to be the former, as ‘that leopardess’. Micah wondered if the two, though actresses of note, could ever overcome their distaste for each other in order to recreate the closeness that the two teachers shared in the play.
Preoccupation regarding the disparity between the mortality of lions and humans hastily evaporated in the home of Shane and Alexandra Simba. The occasion for this lapse was Sean Simba’s picture appearing in ANIMAL magazine in an ad for the animal rights PETA group. ANIMAL ENQUIRER, a dubious tabloid rag run by a leopard in the bush, gave it cover page status. Two days later followed a picture in the sports section of the Daily with Sean kicking back on the soccer feel, legs in the air – quite the provocative crotch shot for those interested young females who were beginning to glom on to the president’s sexy son. The paparazzi kicked it up a notch or two in their pursuit of Sean who was not all that conscious of their presence most days. With their state of the art lenses and whirring digital cameras, they managed to catch a shot of him nude one evening as he floated in his pool buck naked. This one hit ANIMAL magazine’s first few pages, centerfold style.
Sean Simba in the Peta ad then the sports shot in the Masai Mara Daily above. Below, caught in his pool by the paparazzi....
Shane Simba was livid. He had two things which were irritating him at the moment, his oldest son and the potential dust up over where he would spend All Thanks Day. Lewis Lyon had made a suggestion that seemed unbeatable to Shane. Lewis wanted Shane and his family to accompany his to Lake Como and the Alps where he said that Ashley Lyon was going to help them polish their skiing techniques. Lewis was inviting his father, Ralph Lyon as well as his mother, Doris and Mildred Lyon. This sounded like a winner to Shane, Ashley being his new son-in-law and the father of his pending first grandchildren. Alexandra Simba had other ideas.
“Shane, we must go to your mother’s All Thanks Day bash that she’s having in her new house. Roy Lee is making all the preparations. It’s going to be a big pride soiree,” she advised her husband.
“Alex, we go to Mom’s all the damn time. I want to go with you and the kids to Lake Como. Ashley and Staci and the senior Lyons are going too,” he argued.
“Your mum is expecting us, Luv, and we must go. Roy Lee will be ticked if we don’t. It’s the first holiday in her lovely new house. We can’t miss it, Luv. Christmas we will be in England but, darling – the spring and summer will be ours,” she said, rolling on top of him and moving her hands down his body.
They were in bed at the moment. He moaned in pleasure and postponed the argument for another time.
As things transpired, the debate became a moot point. Upon receiving the invitation to join his son Lewis, Ralph Lyon refused outright.
“I don’t do snow, Lewis,” he stated with real emphasis, remembering with horror the time years before when Sylvia and Bernard Cougar had issued a Christmas invitation to Montana and their new home there. He had made the atrocious blunder of accepting. Ralph Lyon, like Roy Lee Simba several years later, felt that snow was the most horrible element known to beast and man.
“I am a creature of the African bush. I hope I never have to see that god cursed substance again, as long as I live – so help me God,” reiterated Ralph, crossing himself. “The Lyon pride is having a bash of our own, Lew. Hope you and Gina will join us.”
That was pretty much that. Lewis Lyon adored his father and usually wanted to please him. He scrapped the Lake Como idea when he was told by Ashley that he and Staci would be going to the Lyon and Simba pride feasts, in turn.
Bop Boon and Chloe Cougar were forced to sit in the now empty theater and go through their scripts for The Children’s Hour. Micah Mbube, having already left for the day, had ordered them to do so.
“I need a drink if I have to look at this freaking script another minute,” snarled Chloe Cougar.
“Ditto,” was Bop’s response. “Want to go to my house on Leoparde Drive? I have a full bar and no one to drink it up except me.”
Chloe found that rather sad. “Yeah, I’ll follow you there.”
Imani Lyon needles her cousin and apartment mate, Georgy Simba....
“What are your plans for those buns you’ve got in your oven?” cracked Imani Lyon as she and her cousin, Georgy Simba, were sitting around their apartment on Saturday afternoon.
Georgy spread her hands over her stomach which was beginning to get a slight tell tale bump. “I am going to stick it out until Sean marries me. Alexandra is in my corner on that one.”
“Oh crap, Georgy, Sean Simba is such a dick and that stepmother of his is a ditzy piece of work,” stated Imani, lighting her fourth cigarette of the discourse.
“Alex is wonderful and I am in love with Sean Simba so, please, no putting him down,” growled Georgy.
“Oh good heavens, Georgy, all of those Simbas are freaks – I should know, my batty mother is one of them.”
“You and I are also Simbas, Imani, so stop dissing our pride,” scolded Georgy.
Imani stood abruptly, spilling a bit of her martini on her peach velour tank top.
“I am a Lyon, not a fucking Simba,” she declared in a decidedly nasty tone.
“You’re a member of the impossible pride, Imani. You can be such a bloody bitch sometimes.”
“Oh get over yourself and that shitty Sean and have an abortion. I’ll take you there and bring you back,” offered Imani.
“No thanks,” giggled Georgy. “I hear distant wedding bells.”
“Wedding bells, my ass.”