Former President Ralph Lyon sat under a hair dryer in Beau Visage, Paulette Poodle’s sophisticated beauty emporium.  Paulette, who had been ‘discovered’ by Ralph years before, gave him the maximum privacy.  He had been gazing in the mirror of the master bathroom in his retirement home when he called out to his wife, Mildred.

‘”Millie, what the hell’s wrong with my mane?  It looks dreadful.”

Mildred had examined it.  “Dear, it’s a bit dry.  You have neglected it since you left office.  It’s time for a trip to see Paulette,” his main lioness had advised. 

            Paulette had examined it even more closely and pronounced that a hot oil treatment was in order.  So there sat Ralph, looking about to make sure no one was monitoring his embarrassing situation.  He desultorily looked through a magazine between bouts of paranoia.  

Former President Ralph Lyon in the hot seat….

             With so many male lions in mainstream life these days, I might as well divulge some of their beauty secrets.  Since I am a regular client and personal friend of Paulette’s, she tells me things.   There Paulette and her elite staff take the chaps through massage sessions, hot oil mane treatments, trimming, a shampo and blow drying in addition to claw manicures.  Some males who don't have wonderful manes naturally, will be given the latest mane extensions which Paulette and her crew have honed to a fine art.  Paulette, ever a clever business female, declined naming the ones that required this procedure.  Roy Lee Simba, Sloane Simba  (blessed with probably the most magnificent mane in the Mara) and several other Simba males, including our handsome President, make standing appointments at Beau Visage. Ashley Lyon is devoted to keeping his lustrous mane in good condition as is his billionaire brother Lewis and our Vice President Daniel Lyon.  Gina Genet Lyon in one of her superb boutiques that dot her husband’s shopping complex, stocks the male colognes that scent the most prominent manes in town.  My lover and live in companion, Dr. Lachlan Lion, will take time off from his busy schedule to get a trim when I remind him.  Paulette has told me that a great deal of her lucrative trade comes from the conceit of upper crust male lions in regard to their manes. 

            The next step, of course, is to get buff with a top trainer at RUNNERS fitness center, owned by Dorian and Cynthia Cheetah in partnership with Gerald Giraffe.  Gerald, who is gay and the best trainer in Kenya, gets all the sexy male lions and holds them hostage for the time it takes each week to keep them well muscled and in shape.  He loves to stroke hefty lion biceps with a hoof – just to check the progress, of course. 

             Shane Simba paid a surprise visit to Betty.  He flew in one of his official light planes to Gombe in Tanzania where he delivered Solly for a week’s vacation with his mother.  Betty was delighted to see her son – and if truth be told, his father.  Shane didn’t stay, however.  He deposited Solly and after a friendly drink with his estranged wife, flew home to the Mara.  Betty was a bit perplexed.  Shane had always stayed a few days when he came to Tanzania.  This time, he was pleasant and affable, but there was no demonstration of physical affection.  He treated her as if she was a very good friend. 

Solly Simba in Gombe Stream Park visiting his mom....

             Lucy Cougar, having fallen madly in love with Ashley Lyon, wanted closure in the form of commitment.  Ashley was having none of it. 

“Lucy, don’t ruin a good thing,” he pleaded.  “We are having a great time together.  Don’t screw it up by getting all soggy and wanting an engagement ring.”

“But, Ash, I have three cubs who need a father,” she argued.

“I have six who already have mothers.  Your kids have a dad…Alexander.  This is not what you’re angling for.  You just want a commitment from me and I’m not ready to bite, so saying I ever will be.”

“Oooh, Ashley,” she yowled.  “Don’t you love me?”

Large eyes brimmed with tears that splashed down fair furred cheeks. 

“Lucy, I like you a great deal and we are having fun together and here you go

f--king it up.”

             Chloe Cougar opened the heavy wooden door to her penthouse just next to Simone Serval in Lyon Towers. 

“Well fancy seeing you here, Ash.  I thought you were all involved with my little sister,” she purred. 

“Just getting a breath of fresh air, Lucy wants to get serious,” complained Ashley Lyon. 

“Well come into my lair and tell me all about it,” said Chloe, removing her blouse and rubbing her ample silicone enhanced bosoms against him.

“Sounds like a plan to me, Chlo.”

Ashley Lyon with Lucy's sister, Chloe.....

             A preacher of the human variety was getting very mouthy on the subject of Shane Simba and his girlfriend, Johanna.  The chap had access to the media although not taken terribly seriously.  However, in these frenetic days of our changing animal and human society, anything is good for a scoop.  The preacher railed against bestiality which was his take on Shane’s relationship with a human.  When he failed to get the populace stirred up to a merry froth, he decided to take matters into his own hands.  He made his way into an open parliamentary session where Shane was speaking.  He aimed his gun at the podium and brought the lion president down. 

            Shane was taken to the Nairobi General Hospital.  Dr. Frank Tigeres was flown to the capital city by a military jet.  The bullet lodged close to Shane’s heart, narrowly missing a main artery.  After major surgery to remove the bullet, Shane was put in intensive care.  It hit the global press and the world media went wild.  The Kenyans held candle light vigils, prayed for and loved their president in his hours of crisis. 

             Tarzan walked the steps to Betty’s deck.  Betty was in the kitchen with her son, Solly. 

“Betty, I need to talk to you alone,” he told her. 

“What is it, Jack?”

“I went for the old newspapers today and saw this.”

He handed Betty a Tanzanian newspaper of yesterday’s vintage.  There on the front page was a picture of Shane, with the headlines:  PRESIDENT OF KENYA ON CRITICAL LIST AFTER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT. 

“Oh my God,” she moaned.  “I have to get back there.”

Solly focused on another fishing day with Tarzan, didn’t catch on to the crisis with his father.  He was too busy begging Tarzan to take him in the boat again. 

             The news hit Jane Leoparde like a jagged strike of lightening.  She was in the newsroom at the Masai Mara Daily when the reporter covering Parliamentary sessions phoned her. 

“Janie, the President has been shot.”

“Oh my God is he alive?” asked Jane.  

“He’s here in Nairobi General.  We’re waiting for word.”

Jane sank in a chair and sobbed. 

            I went on a plane to Nairobi with Sloane Simba and Shane’s press secretary Amy Chui.  Amy and I tried to hold back the throngs massing the halls of the hospital but without any real word from surgery, we knew little of nothing.  In the interim, the Masai guards had grabbed the failed assassin.  He was being held in a Nairobi jail.  Outraged Kenyans tried to tear the preacher to bits before the guards could get him in the paddy wagon and safely to jail.

            Two hours later, Frank and two other surgeons emerged to tell us that Shane was still alive, on the critical list and in Intensive Care. 

            The convergence of those who had been or still were a major part of Shane Simba’s life was complicated and sometimes cantankerous.  One by one they all assembled in a VIP waiting room outside of the VIP section of ICU.  Johanna came first; having access to the transportation afforded Shane.  She was living with him and was treated as his consort.  Jane Leoparde arrived shortly after Johanna.  His daughter, Staci Simba arrived as did his sister, Tookie Simba and his brother, Sam.  I will never forget Betty’s arrival.  She had sent Solly on to the Mara.  She looked drained and tear streaked.  A strange bond presented itself.  Jane and Betty seemed to cling to one another.  It was almost immediate and very unusual,

            Five hours later as we waited, packed as tightly as badly packaged sardines, a nurse came to where Johanna was sitting.  She whispered in her ear.  Johanna rose and followed the nurse to ICU.  A murmur went about the room.  Apparently Shane, in whichever way he was able to communicate, had asked for Johanna. 

            Three days later and stabilized enough to be airlifted, Shane returned to the Masai Mara and the Exotic Animal Clinic.  However, two females realized how forcefully they still loved the young president and had their foundations shaken to the very core.  Betty and Jane swore to keep in touch with each other, sharing email addresses and phone numbers.  Misery Loves Company as the saying goes.  Ashley flew Betty back to Tanzania after seeing her twins at the mansion and telling Solly goodbye.  Johanna was at Shane’s side in the clinic and wasn't present at the meeting between mother and sons. 

             Shane Simba, being of very strong body, was recovering.  With his recuperation came the realization that he had treated too many females who loved him in a shabby manner.  He reassessed his relationship with the pregnant Johanna and decided to stay the course and return her love in kind. 

            When Frank released him to the luxury of the mansion with attendants at his beck and call, Shane insisted on not taking advantage of a wheelchair.  He walked from the hospital with Johanna at his side.  The couple waved to the assembled reporters as they entered the official Rolls Royce and were driven back to the mansion.  The paparazzi caught a photograph of Shane as he kissed Johanna when they were seated in the car.  Some wondered if that was his way of flipping the bird to his failed assassin. 

Johanna and Shane as he leaves the hospital after the assassination attempt....

             In the bush home of Luke and Jane Leoparde a serious conversation was taking place between husband and wife. 

“I thought I was past some of this with Shane but when he almost died, I realized how much I still love him, Luke.”

“What does this all mean, Janie?” asked Luke, lighting a nervous cigarette. 

“Nothing, I guess.  He is obviously going to make a life with this human.  I am out of the picture now.”

“So that still leaves us with our own litter to look forward to,” reasoned the unflappable Luke. 

“Yes, it does, Luke.”

             Betty sat in the darkness of her living room on the shores of Lake Tanganyika.  She and Ashley had arrived late in the evening.  He had left immediately after flying her there.  Tarzan’s boat was already shored when she arrived.  He and the other fisherman had gone home.  The night sounds of the lake and surrounding mountains took an eerie twist.  Betty turned on a small lamp and poured more Scotch.  She rehashed her life with Shane.  She cried, smoking cigarettes until the ashtray was spilling over.  She wondered if she would ever get the opportunity to be with him again.  She replayed in her mind her refusal to return to the mansion and the nights he had slept in ICU while she recovered.  These memories fueled her despair and she began to moan, rocking as she hugged herself. 

            The ensuing days were dreary and filled with terrible weather.  There was no sign of Tarzan or the other fishermen.  She got a telephone call from her attorney, Bo Bonobo.

“Betty, Sam Simba called my office.  He faxed a letter from Shane.  It was couched in gentle terms but Shane wants a divorce.  He will grant you joint custody of the children and offers you whatever property you want plus alimony.  Betty, are you there….did you hear me?  Do we have a bad connection?”

The connection was fine.  Betty was not.  She had let the phone dangle from its cord as she sank to the floor, weeping bitterly. 

        Betty walked in the pouring rain for hours on end, making sure she was a safe distance from the lake and crocodiles.  She shivered as she trod the sandy pebble strewn beach.  At the end of the day, she returned to her house and took a shower.  She wrote for a while before going to bed, attempting to lose her own sorrows in the tale of her chimp cousin, Pansy.  She fervently hoped the coming days would be brighter. 

Betty grieves for Shane in Tanzania after her return....