Maurice & Friends

Ashley Lyon was working with his pal and partner, Luke Leoparde, in the hangar of the Leoparde-Lyon Safari Club in the Mara.

“Ash, you’ve been gallivanting about lately and Sloane Simba has had to take up the slack. Business is popping again with Kenya in the pink,” reminded Luke. “And it’s our winter and the peak of tourist season here.”

“I had to fly Staci to her dad’s honeymoon spot in France….sorry about that, Luke.”

“This is all too weird. She’s your ex-wife and her dad just remarried another one of your ex-wives. This is fucked up ‘all in the family’ stuff if I ever saw it,” laughed Luke.

“Everybody seems to get along though,” chuckled Ashley.

“Pretty soon you’ll be your own grandfather,” added Luke.

Ashley Lyon.....

Shane Simba gave a loud roar that brought Betty to his side. Before she left the porch, her son Jalil whispered:” Welcome back to Dad Land, Mom.”

Shane was holding a slick magazine entitled ANIMAL JOCKS. On the cover was his oldest son, Sean Simba, naked and holding a ball in front of his privates.

“What the hell is wrong with him? He’s bound and determined to be an exhibitionist. Damn,” growled Shane. “He’s either got his shorts pulled up to the all see point are posing naked.”

Shane Simba entered his late mother’s mansion to find his aunts, Leander and Goosey Simba sitting side by side on the couch watching a rerun of The Beverly Hillbillies. When the president entered, Goosey gave him a harsh look and emitted a growl.

“Well, look whose here, Leander. The big dick himself – Mr. P-R-E-S-I-D-E-N-T.”

“Goosey, you’re going to have to move next door with Dickey or take one of the houses on the pride territory. Aunt Leander will move in with Betty and me when our new place is finished. I’m turning this place over to Staci.”

“Oh no you ain’t, President Smart Ass – I’ve got my rights and I’m real fond of this place now. Took some getting used to but I’ve come around,” stated Goosey rising from the couch.

“Oh dear, dear,” whimpered Leander, taking another gulp from her pitcher of martinis.

“I own the house, Goosey, and you will be moving very soon,” said Shane and started for the door.

The last thing he heard before being knocked through the door and off the porch in full view of his horrified Masai guards was the snarl of Goosey Simba shouting:

“You just get your ass back home to that hairy ass ape you married again and don’t be bothering about no house, shit head.”

Then Shane was being picked up by the Masai who had called for help since Shane Simba is the President of Kenya. Seven police cars rolled in the drive or parked along the street. They held fourteen officers, one being the chief himself – Bubba Simba. Neighbors came streaming through front doors, one of them being Bertram Baboon and Staci who was living in my house.

“Daddy, Daddy are you hurt?” she asked as she held tightly to Shane.

“He ain’t hurt none you half breed cheetah thang you. His pride is hurt that’s all,” growled Goosey, turning and slamming the door behind her. Everyone heard the lock click.

Goosey went back to the sofa where she sat down and opened another beer.

“Problem these days, Leander, is all these lions marrying other kind of animals. Shane’s the worst of the lot – he never had all his marbles.”

“Dickey married a human, Goosey,” reminded Leander.

“Shut your face, Leander – don’t be reminding me of that.”

“No, Shane, I ain’t doing anymore of your dirty work. I ain’t gonna drag Aunt Goosey kicking and screaming from that house,” roared Bubba Simba.

“You’re just physically afraid of her, Bubba. Take your deputies,” said Shane, who had returned to his office in the State House escorted by three police cars.

“Well, Bro, she just knocked you on your butt, didn’t she? Take them Masai of yours, Shane. They’ll get her out. They used to hunt lions,” said Bubba.

“Not any like Aunt Goosey,” said Shane, grimacing.

In the fall, he had injured a shoulder and was now in pain. In rising from his desk chair, he realized his leg was also smarting.

“You hurting, Shane?” asked his brother, suddenly all concern.

“What a goat fuck that was today,” muttered Shane.

When Betty arrived from her day at Kenya University attending a faculty meeting, she found her husband in bed in the mansion. Servants were running about attempting to apply cold compresses. Dr. Frank Tigeres stood in the room with an amused look on his face.

“What happened, Frank?” she asked the tiger physician.

“I think he got cold cocked by one of those lioness aunts of his,” chuffed Frank.

“Ash, have you ever thought of remarrying me?” asked Staci Simba.

Ashley Lyon was there to collect his cubs for a weekend in Mombasa.

“No, Staci, we’d ruin this great friendship we’ve got going,” he chuckled, hoping she wasn’t serious in any real way.

“Ashley Lyon that is SO not nice of you to say,” she said, hands on hips.

“Just kidding, Staci,” he said, chucking her cheek and leaving with his kids before this conversation went any further.

“Whew!” he said as he rolled out of the driveway, Cathy and little Shane giggling away in the back seat. The family was slated to go deep sea fishing with Luke and Jane Leoparde and their offspring.

That evening before a roaring fire in Luke’s sprawling home in Mombasa, Ashley related the conversation with Staci to Luke. Jane was upstairs getting the collective cubs settled for the night.

“You need to take it easy and not make Staci Simba mad, Ash. Don’t toy with her. You’re divorced now. You don’t want Shane Simba getting pissed off with you. He is one ruthless bastard,” counseled Luke.

Jane and her husband, Luke Leoparde advise Ashley not to toy with Staci....

Dickey Simba was very embarrassed. All he needed to add to his rather complicated existence was his mother knocking his presidential half brother on his duff. Shane had notified Dickey that his daughter Staci was taking over his late mother’s home and that it would be Dickey’s responsibility to deal with the problem of removing Aunt Goosey. He tackled the issue on a late afternoon as he and Cutty arrived from work.

“I’ll go with you, Dickey – after all she’s now my mother-in-law,” said Cutty.

“You have no idea of what you’re letting yourself in for, Cutty. She has knocked male lions on their arses, including Roy Lee, Bubba and Shane,” cautioned Dickey.

“Let me try with her, Dickey, what can it hurt?”

“You, Cutty - you’re pregnant, she can knock you down and we’ll lose the cub,” he said.

“Did you hear what you just said, Dickey?” asked Cutty, blue eyes misting. “We’ll lose the cub you said. Like maybe you want it too.”

“I do want it, Cutty. I told you, we are going to make this work and I mean it.”

“Let’s go see your mom.”

Fortunately for all concerned, Goosey had passed out hours ago and was snoring away on the couch. Leander still sat there watching the late, late show.

Cutty and Dickey Simba....

The first public appearance for the newly wed Shane and Betty occurred at a benefit concert put on at the arts center to support in the fight against HIV and malaria. Shane limped a bit but the two were stunning and very happy.

the newly weds at the benefit for HIV and malaria.....

If Lachlan and I had thought it would be a day in the park to put back the shards of our relationship which had taken a major hit when he had sex with the wild lioness – we were fooling ourselves. I believe Lachlan, being a shrink, didn’t have his head in the clouds where reparation was concerned. He had counseled too many animals and humans who had undergone the loss of lovers, mates and otherwise. He knew it was not a simple matter to rebuild that basis of trust that needs to exist between loved ones. Since he had been the wrongdoer, he seemed to feel the guilt very keenly and worked late many nights. We had been unsettled – moving from my house on Leoparde Drive to a bush home and back to Betty’s home on the same street. I knew it was an effort to avoid me. Betty’s home was wonderful but it was not the one we were accustomed to which was being rented by Staci Simba.

Betty and Shane moved into their new home which was almost next door to the State House and was annexed until such time as Shane would retire from the office of president.

As far as retrieving my house from Staci Simba, I wanted no pressure put on her. She had rented it in good faith and moved there with her cubs. Meanwhile, no progress was being made as far as moving Goosey Simba from the late Sarah Lee’s mansion. Aunt Leander had been moved into a bedroom of Shane and Betty’s new digs. The jury was not in as to how that would go. Goosey dug her heels and refused to be ousted from the elaborate mansion next door to her nephew Roy Lee Simba.

“Stop ranting, darling,” Betty told Shane. “You simply cannot be perceived as so ruthless that you evict your ex-wife and aunt within a week of each other.”

Maude and Harold Hyena were in the habit of walking in the neighborhood of a late afternoon. Their residence is on Lyon Avenue just around the corner from Leoparde Drive and Sarah Lee Simba’s antisocial mansion. Goosey Simba happened to be in the front yard. When the ancient enemies of the lion walked past, Goosey attacked. This now being a civilized animal society, Harold and Maude couldn’t fight back. Maude simply took her pink bejeweled cell phone from her fanny pack and dialed 9-11, relishing every moment of doing so. A beleaguered police chief, Bubba Simba answered the call and shooed his crazy aunt back into the residence.

Imani Lyon was in love. This time her subject was Ari Leo, who had no real interest in the model other than sexual shenanigans which Imani was rather adept at carrying on. Imani Janice Lyon could be said to be super in the sack. Ari Leo, a typical erudite member of his pride, was still a male lion and as such relished the physical. His classes were beginning soon at Kenya University’s Mara branch. He had been hired as professor of philosophy. Knowing his interests, Imani borrowed books on philosophy from the Mara library which she spot checked before moving on to subjects of more interest to her – such as gossip rags and fashion magazines.

Ari Leo goes shopping with Imani... Imani gets ice cream before visiting Ari.....

In the home of Cutty (Sark) and hubby, Dickey Simba, things had improved. They spent evenings at home together with Dickey attempting to smoke less hashish and tamp down his restlessness. Cutty’s pregnancy was progressing nicely. She, being an energetic type continued her full time job at the State House in her role as one of the social directors for President Shane Simba. Her husband, working upstairs as justice minister, joined her for lunch each day.