Maurice & Friends

Bernice Bear has returned from Montana and we are all happy to have her back. The female grizzly from the state of Montana is a humorous but balanced source of pleasure for all working within the walls of the State House in the Masai Mara. She brought me a fern which she secreted in a plastic bag filled with moist soil.

“I’m sure Lachlan can do wonders with this in your greenhouse, Maurice. It’s a species that grows in the Rocky Mountains and is rather fragrant,” she tells me.

I gave her a hug and a kiss on the muzzle she presented. Alexandra Simba arrived about that time and threw her arms around her secretary. Cutty added to the excitement of welcoming Bernice from her vacation. When Alexandra had left the office, Bernice turned a serious face to Cutty and me.

“Is she pregnant again? I saw a small ‘bump’ as the media refers to this type thing,” advised Bernice.

Cutty and I put our hands out in the age old, ‘beats me’ gesture. It’s true Alexandra has been sporting looser than usual clothing lately but then we, in the know, realize that half Shane’s time is being spent with Claire Cheetah so one would wonder why she would allow another pregnancy.

“Maybe our leader is doing double time,” giggled Cutty.

“That would be sooo him,” agreed Bernice.

Never let it be said that our leader, Shane Simba, isn’t prone to favorites among his offspring. Although he is very impartial when they are still growing up, once achieving that, he has his ‘pets’. First and foremost is his first born, Staci Simba Lyon, who has remained close to her father since her birth. Among the males reigns his oldest son with Betty Chimpo, Solomon Figan Simba, named for his long dead litter mate and Betty’s great grandfather. His daughter, Tanya, who looks absolutely human, is much loved by her dad. However, his granddaughter, Catherine Lyon, small cub of Ashley and Staci (Simba) Lyon, holds his heartstrings tightly in small paws. She is the image of her mother when a tot and looks to be a full cheetah despite the fact that her heritage is three quarters lion and only one quarter cheetah.

Shane has been seen as the official Rolls pulls up, getting out of the car with granddaughter, Catherine, whom he naturally calls ‘Cathy’ as he did his late wife, the cub’s grandmother. They will proceed, flanked by Masai guards, to enjoy an ice cream at the pub’s Ben & Jerry outlet.

Shane Simba with grandcub, Catherine Lyon.......

It was supposed to be an announcement taken with ultimate good cheer but it was anything but when Sylvia Leoparde Cougar announced to daughter, Chloe, that her younger sister, Lucy Cougar, would be wedding Sloane Simba in a planned marriage ceremony in Mombasa.

“Shit, Mom, Lucy has married three times now and I’ve only managed once,” snarled Chloe within hearing range of her father, Bernard, who merely shook his head.

Bernard was ensconced in reading the Masai Mara Daily as was his habit in the afternoons after working in his post retirement office at the Nathan Leoparde Memorial Foundation where he heads the various charities funded by that august memorial to Sylvia’s late father, Nathan Leoparde. Bernard, as is usual with this particular offspring, was on a collision course with his middle daughter, Chloe. This was often prevented by Sylvia who ran interference between father and often surly, cantankerous daughter.

“If you had a more biddable personality…..” began Bernard and was cut off abruptly when the prudent Sylvia butted in and changed the subject.

“It will be at our house in Mombasa, darling, what do you plan to wear?” she asked Chloe while lighting a cigarette.

One could always soothe the testy Chloe with thoughts of expensive clothing and a shopping trip to Gina Genet Lyon’s Chanel boutique or JAGGERS. Sylvia knew her daughter well.

Bernard Cougar casts a jaundiced eye on the conversation about the wedding....

“If you get a hole in one before I do, I will be screwed,” purred Claire Cheetah.

This statement didn’t take place in the well appointed boudoir of the home shared by Claire and her lover, Shane Simba when he could be there. It occurred on the golf course at the Masai Mara Sporting Club recently purchased and refurbished by mogul Lewis Lyon. Like most cheetahs with their sinewy, muscular body inclined to a quick eye and speed, Claire was involved in a variety of sports. Among them were some of those favored by our lion president. Golf and tennis games at the sporting club and on the courts being added to the home he had purchased from Lewis.

“You’ll be screwed at any rate,” whispered Shane, hoping that their companions Lewis and Gina Lyon didn’t hear him.

Shane Simba had not yet shared with his best friend the news that he was crazy in love with Claire Cheetah and sharing as much time in the recently purchased home as he could with her. Lewis and Gina were dear friends with Alexandra Simba, Shane’s current wife. The Simba wedding had even taken place at Lewis and Gina’s Mombasa home. At the moment, Lewis merely thought that Claire was an available member for a golf foursome or tennis doubles.

Claire Cheetah slams a tennis ball to Shane Simba (below)

Kenya Week is slated to begin early this year, possibly due to the need to reassure Kenyans after the past months’ chaos. Cynthia Cheetah worked with her committee headed by first lady, Alexandra Simba, to make this year’s a truly spectacular and patriotic event. This had been founded by Cynthia Cheetah some years back and originally called Tourist Appreciation Day. It had evolved greatly and now was Kenya’s major festival and held in the Masai Mara. Our State House staff worked overtime with Cynthia and Alexandra to make sure the festivities would be fresh and original. There were to be several tents erected for artist’s showings. I had been asked to exhibit as had several other Kenyan artists. Among those invited to exhibit this year was Claire Cheetah.

On another front, Sean Simba scored hugely in a pivotal soccer match against a major opponent - South Africa. He gained kudos from coaches Junior Lyon and his brother, Charley. Sean’s big personal problem these days was the fact of human squeeze Dina Myer’s much publicized pregnancy with his natural offspring. Sean had fled from Dina’s home months past and was living again with his cousin, Troy Simba in the home they shared in the bush. As was his custom, he once again sought the sexual favors and comfort of cousin, Georgy Simba, who was besotted by him. He often drove past the love nest of his father, Shane Simba, returning from a day of soccer and football practice. He had heard rumors that his father was living part time with a Cheetah relative. He had more or less ceased his visits with his family. Sean had been concentrating on soccer and football lately having been soundly scolded by both coaches for lack of seriousness and his brazen lifestyle. There was nothing like the bosomy and devoted Georgia Simba to take his mind off his problems. The good news was that Georgy’s overbearing dad, Sloane, was preoccupied with a wedding of his own, inquiring less these days over what he considered an incestuous relationship on his daughter’s part.

Sean during football practice with his cousin Troy Simba just behind him. Below, the big soccer game...

Dickey Simba, stoned to a fine turn, placed a call to Chloe Cougar. She rushed to the scene of his apartment which reeked of hashish. Once in the door, Dickey began removing her clothes.

“I haven’t heard from you in ages, where have you been hiding, Dickey boy?” asked Chloe, nipping at his shoulder with dentally brightened teeth.

“Among those I cherish,” he mumbled, as he ripped her lacy pants from her derriere and grabbed hard.

Chloe decided to let this remark go – one of the few of a provocative nature that she had ever chosen to ignore. She licked his chest and purred loudly.

“You’re invited to my sister’s wedding if you want to go with me, Dickey.”

“I’m invited anyway, Chloe, your sister is marrying my half brother.”

Chloe slipped south and began to lick below his navel.

“So will you go with me?” she asked.

“If I go at all.”

Chloe Cougar gets a call from Dickey Simba...

The first day of the Kenya Week festivities shone bright with warming sunshine. Crowds, both local and otherwise poured into the area mapped out of the savanna for the occasion. Bright tents adorned the landscape. It was a far cry from the original ‘Tourist Appreciation Day’ years ago where a few booths were present, one containing Dodi Dik Dik Lyon telling fortunes. This venture had become a highly sophisticated festival pinpointing Kenyan talents and progress. We had all come so far and there was always that nagging thought – just maybe too fast as well?

President and wife open the Kenya Week festival........

The opening ceremonies were held on a stage constructed for this occasion. I was there as well as Cynthia Cheetah, the original founder. President Shane Simba arrived with his wife, Alexandra and gave the opening speech to genuine cheers and cries of ‘bravo’. I had asked Dodi Dik Dik Lyon to host my tent containing a variety of my paintings and sculptures. She was there bright and early, giving me a dainty kiss on the cheek.

Dodi Dik Dik Lyon consents to host my tent...

Inside Claire Cheetah’s tent, she sat at a pottery wheel and worked her magic with a vase she was building. Crowds stood mesmerized by the process. On pedestals were samples of her work, each beautiful and with amazing colors and glaze combinations. They were being bought like hot cakes. Her cousin, model, Tanya Simba, was helping with the sales end. Lachlan and I purchased a small, very exquisite bowl for the dining room.

“Do you think your problem might be falling all over troubled males – especially of the lion variety?” asked Dr. Rory Lion, stifling a yawn.

It was Betty Chimpo’s third visit to his office in an effort to suppress her chaotic thoughts regarding Dickey Simba and ex-hubby, Shane Simba. It was approaching the lunch hour and Rory was hungry. He was hoping to find Tanya Simba free from modeling duties and accepting an invitation from him.

“I am probably very guilty of doing just that, Rory,” she agreed, lighting a cigarette.

“How long have you been in and out of therapy for this problem, Betty? It would seem that you would either desert the species or try for one of a more stable nature,” said Rory, losing the battle with his giant yawn.

“I find male lions very sexy and appealing,” was her response.

“Oh, that….well, I guess we are.”

Rory gunned his car toward the festival grounds. He had been told by the switchboard operator at JAGGERS that Tanya Simba was taking several days off and helping her cousin at her art exhibit. He supposed he had ticked off Betty with his obvious impatience but this couldn’t be helped. He had been kept at bay by Tanya for too long. His appetite was thoroughly whetted at this point.

Rory Lion at the festival....

Rory found the tent where Claire Cheetah held forth on the pottery wheel. He found Tanya Simba glued to the cash box where she was in the process of selling her cousin’s works. She looked up and greeted him.

“We’re almost sold out,” she told him.

He didn’t give a damn about the wares, he was there for Tanya.

“How much is this jar?” he asked, barely taking notice of the one he mentioned.

“Two hundred Euros,” was the answer.

“Pretty steep, isn’t it?” he asked, picking it up and promptly dropping it as someone bumped his shoulder.

It broke in five pieces.

“The price may not be to your liking but you’ve just purchased the item,” purred Claire Cheetah from her seat at the wheel.

“Shit,” muttered Rory, stooping to pick up the pieces.

“You can leave that and we’ll pick up the mess,” said Tanya.

“Hell no, for that price, I’ll use some glue, thank you.”

Rory Lion left the tent two hundred Euros poorer and with a paper bag holding his chards.

“That couldn’t have gone worse if I had planned it,” he mumbled as he cleared the tent.