GROOMING JITTERS
"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss."
Jonathan Larson
Ashley Lyon was as drunk as a male lion can get. Not only was he smashed but he had also fallen prey to a bout of weeping. His best friend and business partner, Luke Leoparde, was holding him steady as he lamented his coming marriage to Lucy Cougar. Luke, in an effort to cheer his buddy, had thrown an elaborate stag party at Ashley’s new bush home. There had been strippers and loads of booze but all had failed to cheer the distraught Ashley.
“Why did I get her pregnant?” moaned Ashley between hiccups.
“I don’t know Ash but since you did, just go with the flow. Look on the bright side, she is very cute and loves water sports,” soothed Luke.
“Leely was stunning, adorable AND loved the water too,” groaned the inconsolable groom-to-be.
There had been a rush of pre-wedding parties for the couple who were getting married hastily and had asked the President to speed Ashley’s divorce. Mildred Lyon was thrilled that her favorite child was marrying the youngest daughter of her best friends, Sylvia and Bernard Cougar. Ralph looked upon the nuptials with a jaundiced eye, knowing his son’s predilection for getting himself in hot water. He especially didn’t want a bout of scalding where Bernard and Sylvia’s youngest offspring was concerned.
Lucy remained in a state of air-walking. It mattered little to her that she was under the weather from symptoms of early pregnancy. She was getting the male of her dreams and that was all that concerned her. Her sister Chloe, in a state of distress that Ashley had been snatched from her jaws by her kid sister, comforted herself with a boob job – managing to convince Dr. Todd Tigeres that a double D would suit her just fine. The bride’s parents were delighted that she was marrying Mildred and Ralph’s son but realized that unlike Junior Lyon, who was married to their eldest daughter Sylly, Ashley was not made of very stern stuff. Junior Lyon was the opposite of his flamboyant younger brother. When Sylly and Junior had learned of the coming marriage, Junior had merely nodded his head in a puzzling manner. Lucy had asked her father to give her a huge wedding. Her mom, Sylvia, had wisely told her that a third marriage in white would be the height of bad taste. Lucy hadn’t confessed yet but her parents guessed, with all the spells of sudden nausea, that a small Lyon or so was due in the not too distant future.
The future groom remained as inebriated as he could possibly get and remain standing with something to say. Ashley flew to his ex-wife’s home in Naro Moru and spent an entire night bemoaning the marriage. Betty gave him black coffee and sobered him up before allowing him to fly to the Mara for yet another wedding party.
Jack Tarzan was paid a great deal of money for his book. It didn’t make much of a dent in his life style, however. He continued to live modestly only splurging on an electric bed for the elderly and arthritic Patsy. He also gifted his surrogate human mother with a nifty stove and refrigerator to replace the elderly models in the rented home. He wrote most evenings and kept to himself except for his friendship with Jane and Luke Leoparde and Betty.
Jack Tarzan writing in his bush home......
Leah Simba had been a bit taken aback by the acceleration of her divorce from Ashley. He had arrived at her house on Leoparde Drive and cried in front of the children. He was, of course, as drunk as a young lord.
“Ash, why the hell are you marrying someone you don’t love?” had been Leah’s sensible question.
“She’s pregnant, Leely.”
“Have you two ever heard of abortions?”
“She doesn’t want one.”
“Oh shit, Ash. This is absurd!”
The one animal that was completely bent out of shape about the coming nuptials of Ashley and Lucy Cougar was his oldest daughter, Imani. She had thrown major tantrums and refused to speak to Lucy when she was about.
Betty was making headlines these days. Not because she was the estranged wife of the President of Kenya but due to her successful book relating Patsy’s life in Tanzania and her beginnings in Russia. Betty was seen on many magazine covers these days looking glamorous. It was also noted that she was becoming an accomplished female pilot. The blurb was out that she was in the middle of writing her own memoirs and excitement ran high. One could say that Betty Chimpo Simba had become the ‘flavor of the month’ for the media hounds.
Shane Simba was in his office with the television tuned to WMM-TV news. He watched while Betty gave an interview in America from her apartment in Manhattan. Shane called his detective and asked him to find the location of Betty’s pied-à-terre.
Bernard Cougar slept restlessly beside his wife, Sylvia. Finally the tossing and turning waked her.
“What is it Berns? You seem so twitchy and I know this means you’re worried about something.”
“It’s Lucy, Syl. I’m so worried about her marrying Ashley. He is just not made of the same cloth as Junior.”
“Berns, we are going to have to live with this. Ashley is a kind animal – flighty yes, but very caring. He has been a good friend to both of his ex-wives. Lucy also has a spotty marital history. She is so happy to be marrying Ashley. We are just going to have to be there for her and remain optimistic.”
“I hope you’re right, Syl, and you usually are.”
The couple had been married for ten years and knew each other well. They had been a strong support system for their offspring, parenting as one unit. Their numerous children had never managed to find or create a break in their unity as parents. They stood as one. Theirs had been by far the most successful marriage in the Masai Mara. This American cougar and African leopardess had found the formula for a lasting and devoted marriage. They were still in love to boot.
Betty lunched with Bertram, Gloria and me before making her way to Manhattan once again. She looked better than I have ever seen her. A new glamour has been added. I don’t think she is totally happy but seems at peace. She left us with invitations to visit her in New York. I have a gallery showing of my art pieces in that city this fall. I will probably take her up on the invitation. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Lachlan can go with me.
Betty had spent two days with her editor going over changes for her memoirs which were almost completed. She had dined with her decorator the night before. She had just kicked off her shoes when her buzzer rang in the apartment. She answered the door to find Shane standing there. He looked wonderful as always – perfectly cut and tailored suit, mane groomed with the scent of Dolce & Gabbana.
“Wilda says that if I don’t shoot you the next time you and your detectives find me, she will. Come on in.”
“Tell Wilda she’ll have to be the shooter. I know you, Fifi, and you can’t pull the trigger,”
“You do know me all too well, don’t you? You play on my weakness for you. You have me by the short hairs. I’m hooked on you…you know this about me. I am the mouse….and you, the BIG cat, have your way with me. It’s far from an even match.”
“Not so uneven, Betty - you far underestimate my obsession with you.”
“Why did you come here, Shane?”
“For all the obvious reasons….I want to see you, feel you, and breathe in your fragrance….make love to you. All the things we do so well together.”
“And what of your lover who is pregnant with your child? How does she fit in all of this?”
“She doesn’t, Fifi. Only you and I go together like a pair of finely honed and en suite scissors. Neither one of us can move past the other.”
“That’s not healthy emotionally, darling. I hope you know this,” she whispered for he was standing very close and she caught the cologne in his mane.
“So, I guess we are just two unhealthy animals, Fifi. Where is your room?”
She took his arm and led him to the master bedroom in her new apartment with the view of Central Park.
“The view from here is spectacular; Shane…….it's Central Park.”
He began to remove her blouse. “I’ll take in the view later, Fifi. We’ll walk there tomorrow.”
He leaned down and put his lips to one breast. She was lost to him and he damn well knew it.
Ashley Lyon and future father-in-law, Bernard Cougar, have a chat......
Bernard Cougar handed his future son-in-law a drink. He and Ashley Lyon were having a tête-à-tête in the family room of the Cougar’s house on Leoparde Drive. Somewhere out there Leah is together with our children, thought Ashley. He envisioned them gathered in the comfortable den watching television in their noisy disorganized fashion. He was suffused with sadness. Ashley was jerked into the moment by Bernard’s voice.
“Do you love Lucy, Ashley, or this coming marriage just a matter of necessity?” Bernard was asking.
“No sir, Lucy and I are very compatible. We both love to wind sail and boat,” answered Ashley in what he knew was an absurd and untenable run around.
“Well, that’s nice but it won’t make a marriage,” retorted Bernard in a very true statement.
“Sir, we will make everything good…..we’re just a little uh, discombobulated at the moment.”
“Please do me a favor, Ashley, for all the close ties between our families. If you ever tire of Lucy make a clean break. Don’t just take on a dozen mistresses and break her heart. I don’t think she loved Alexander Simba as much as she does you.”
“Oh no, Sir, I wouldn’t do that.”
Bernard was through grilling his best friend’s son. Ashley left the house with real chagrin. That went fucking well, he growled to himself. That guy thinks I’m a bloody cub emotionally. Oh well, he may be right on the money.
Ashley headed for the safe haven of the Watering Hole Pub. Maybe he could get laid by someone exciting before he had to bow down to another marriage.
Arlon Lyon boarded the private Leoparde family 747 in London. He was bound for his father’s third wedding. He was to be the best male. He accepted a beer from the stewardess and thought that the perquisites of being a Leoparde family member, even if by marriage, might just be cool beans. He removed his shoes as the pert stewardess put slippers on his feet. Wow!!! This was like spending a weekend at his uncle, Lewis Lyon’s estate in Mombasa.
Betty and Shane walked arm in arm in Central Park. His Masai guards followed behind in American dress which they found shamefully devoid of ornamentation. They ate hot dogs from a street vendor and went to the Sheep’s Meadow and the zoo. That night the couple dined at Alto’s on 53rd Street. Later they danced at a posh nightclub. It was a heavenly time spent together – but then it usually was. Betty went back to Kenya with Shane on a first class British Airways flight. They parted company at the airport, him promising to bring the twins and Solly with him to Naro Moru the following week.
Shane and Betty in Central Park.....
Discord broke out at a prenuptial party for Ashley and Lucy given by Lewis Lyon at his Mara estate. The scene was caused by sullen Imani throwing a pink daiquiri on Lucy. The next party was given by Lachlan and me at our place and more peaceful in nature. The best party was given by Junior and Sylly Cougar Lyon at their wonderful home in the Lyon pride compound. All of the Lyons were in attendance and with joint efforts by all had created marvelous food, much drink and camaraderie to beat none. Ashley even seemed to be enjoying himself at this display of his pride’s love and loyalty.