FATHER'S DAY
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby
Father’s day is a fact of life for Kenyans now. Due to our former first lioness’s devotion to Americana, we now have Thanksgiving (disguised as All Thanks Day). President’s Day, Mother’s Day and the one for dads of all persuasions. As is often typical for those adopting holidays from other nations, we take ours to a new level of celebration, attempting to 'one-up' the Americans.
Roy Lee Simba’s soiree was attended by all of his offspring at his daughter, Stella Simba Lyon’s home within the Lyon Pride compound. There, it became quickly merged with the one celebrating Ralph Lyon’s extensive paternity. This was an entire day of fun, great food and getting pleasantly smashed. The lion superstar and the former president are great admirers of one another.
Shane Simba’s Father’s day celebration was hosted by his daughter, Staci, at his bush home with his cubs having a great time of it. Even Jane’s cubs spent some time with him, having been dropped off by their stepfather, Luke Leoparde. Johanna gadded about, thrilled with her role as the future mother of what would surely prove to be his most interesting child to date.
Ashley Lyon attended his father’s bash with his children. Even Imani thawed enough to attend with her mom, Leah. All of Ashley and Leah's offspring were there to celebrate their grandfathers' as well - Ralph Lyon and Roy Lee Simba.
Sam Simba’s dad’s day fireworks were celebrated in conjunction with his live in lover’s father, Frank Tigeres. Lots of fun was had by the merry group assembled at Sam’s Mara River estate.
Sylvia Cougar hosted a shebang at the gorgeous home in Mombasa that she shared with her husband, Bernard Cougar. They were just next door to old pals, Dorian and Cynthia Cheetah. Their respective offspring were in and out all day to honor Bernard and Dorian.
Betty on the beach early Father's Day morning.......
That Sunday, Betty was up early as usual. She placed long distance calls to Ashley Lyon, Sam and Shane Simba, all three fathers of her various lion cub implants, wishing them a fine day. After speaking with the three, she walked to the beach, feeling out of sorts and very lonely. She spotted Tarzan walking her way.
“I’m glad to see you,” she told him, very happy indeed to have company, at least for a while.
“I’m taking a few days off and heading for the Serengeti tomorrow. Did you like the crocodile meat?”
“Uh, well, it’s still in my fridge. I didn’t really know what to do with it,” she admitted.
“I suppose I’ll have to show you,” he laughed.
Much later, they sat around a fire that had burned to scorching embers. Tarzan had laid a grill bar across it. He cut the large chunk of crocodile into portions and was cooking them on the fire, turning them occasionally with a long fork.
“I can’t believe you didn’t cook this before, Betty.”
“I’m not accustomed to eating crocodile meat. I have a good friend who happens to be one. He is married to a hippo and runs a successful bar and grill on the Mara River.”
“Oh good God, will the wonders of Kenya never cease?” he scoffed.
She was drinking wine; his drink of choice was beer.
The occasion had a festive air. He seemed to feel lighthearted at the prospect of a few days away from his fishing chores. She didn’t question him regarding his trip to the Serengeti. She realized that she really didn’t want to know, in case it should be for purposes of seeking a lioness. She had never been told of his current situation romantically. Although Tarzan was highly critical of animals living the human life style, he had still bowed to some components himself. With the drinks and holiday aspect, she decided to ask him the big question.
“Tarzan, have you ever devoured a human for purposes, uh of, well let’s say food sources?”
He looked at her in genuine surprise.
“Why would I want to, Betty? For a lion’s appetite, noshing on a human is akin to devouring a dik dik which is a twelve pound animal, soaking wet – sort of like eating a small bag of chips or a scone. Lions rarely eat dik diks. Humans aren’t adequate nourishment for a lion either. Actually, that’s when I realized Ralph Lyon wasn’t working with a full deck when he actually married a freaking dik dik. How does a male lion even screw one of those damn things?”
This presented the perfect opportunity for Betty to segue into a subject of great interest to her. She held her breath for a moment before speaking.
“Would you ever have sex with another species?” she asked, realizing that she was on shaky and very intimate ground with these questions.
“Never!”
His answer was swift and resolute. She didn’t like the fact of her disappointment. Betty drank two more cups of wine in quick succession. She realized that the brief eqatorial twilight would soon turn to complete darkness. The sun was dipping below the lake’s horizon in a rapid descent. He gave her a portion of the crocodile meat. They ate in silence. The meat was delicious. When he had finished eating, he stood. Betty put her plate on the ground and rose too, swaying slightly from drink.
“Do you find me, uh….well nice looking in any way, Tarzan?”
Her dark eyes were wide and slightly wet from blinked back tears. She realized her intense vulnerability at this moment.
“I find you more than that, Betty. You’re gorgeous. Just because I don’t do interspecies sex doesn’t mean I’m blind to beauty. I’ve got to get up before sunrise. This was fun. Goodbye for now. I’ll see you in a few days.”
He was gone then in the inky blackness of the night. She put the paper plates and cups on the fire and made her way to the house. She climbed the stairs slowly to the porch. She thought of the foregone opportunity of sharing Father’s Day with Shane and their three sons. She sat in a deck chair and wept for all she had lost and the prospect of losing even more.
Johanna sat with Shane in Dr. Frank Tigeres office. She had just undergone an ultrasound in the presence of Frank, his brother Ted and Dr. Sylly Cougar Lyon.
“The pregnancy is progressing nicely,” reported Frank. “However, typically for pregnant humans at this stage, we can only see a beating heart. There seems to be only one fetus.”
After the consultation, Shane took Johanna to OKAPI’S to have lunch. The main dining room was full of animals and people who swiveled curious heads in an effort to get a good look at our leader with his very beauteous human girlfriend. Ossie Okapi was beside himself at the appearance of Shane and Johanna. He took their orders himself. He gave slow waiters the benefit of a tongue lashing if they dared lag in their service to the president and his lady.
after the ultrasound at OKAPI'S......
Gloria Chimpo Baboon descended from Ashley Lyon’s small Cessna. She made her way across the steaming heat of the tarmac to where her sister stood to welcome her.
“Oh, Glo, I’m so happy to see you,” cried Betty, hugging her tightly.
The two sisters joined Ashley for a cup of coffee in the small building that sat on the edge of the airstrip. Ashley was returning to the Mara in order to conduct an air safari this very afternoon.
Gloria held her large sun hat on her head as Betty’s car bumped along the path to her home. Stiff hot winds were blowing across the rough road filled with pot holes which were alarmingly deep.
“I had forgotten how primitive Tanzania is,” allowed Gloria, who had joined her sister years before in the Masai Mara in Kenya.
“It’s really rather refreshing after all of Kenya’s uppity civilization, Glo...so very peaceful.”
“If you say so,” acquiesced Gloria who was feeling a bit queasy from the rough ride and didn’t feel like arguing the point.
Once parked at the base of her chalet, Betty helped her sister get her luggage inside. Gloria removed her hat and looked around the charming but rather rustic living room. She and Betty had been living in luxury lo these many years. Her marriage to Bertram Baboon had elevated Gloria to even greater elegance when she moved to his estate upon wedlock. The guest room Gloria was occupying in Betty’s loft was comfortable but sparse, containing a double bed, side table and lamp. There was a tiny chest and closet but no bathroom. She would have to use Betty’s.
Johanna was delirious with happiness. Granted, Shane had enjoyed a few more Scotches than usual, but as they lay side by side in his bed in the mansion, he rolled over and whispered that he loved her, repeatedly. This was after multipe episodes of lovemaking.
Gloria grabs a towel as she is surprised in the bath.....
“Aaaaaaaagh, hoooooooot,” shrieked Gloria Chimpo Baboon from Betty’s bath down stairs. “Betts, help me.”
Betty ran to find her sister, naked with a towel clutched to her hirsute bosom. She had just stepped out of the tub.
“What is it, Glo?”
“There was a damn lion on that deck outside the bathroom; I think he saw me nude.”
“Oh, he must have returned from the Serengeti. Hot diggety dog,” shouted Betty.
She raced fom the bathroom, bounding down the stairs to the beach. There she found Tarzan who had just vacated the premise. She called to him. He stopped and turned around.
“I’m so glad you’re back. Was the Serengeti nice?”
“I just saw some ape in your bathroom naked. I think I scared it,” he said. “I was coming up to tell you I was back. I put a box on your deck.”
“That was my sister, Gloria. She’s visiting me.”
“Your sister? I guess you are an ape then. You sure look better than she does. That’s a sight I don’t want to be privy to again - EVER,” he added for good measure.
He turned and walked to his boat where he fiddled with his gear for a while before taking his usual path home. When Betty returned to her house, she saw the package that Tarzan had referred to. She opened it. There among some shredded packing papers lay a carving of a lion, the type they sell in the tourist markets in the Serengeti National Reserve. She took it out and held it, gently turning it in her hands. She felt tears sting her eyes. She was touched at this gesture. She knew he must make little money fishing but he had thought to bring her a gift.
Trevor Tau accompanied Leah Simba to her parent’s home in Mombasa. There they had a divinely romantic weekend. He sat on a deck chair on the Simba balcony, watching her distant figure as she wind sailed and surf boarded. When she returned wet and tired but very happy, he wrapped her in a huge Turkish towel and held her close. He didn’t seem to mind the time she took to enjoy the water. He sat sipping a gin and tonic and reading articles about Malaria. In the evening they strolled on the beach and grilled steaks. It was a perfect time.
Trevor and Leah on the beach in Mombasa....
Mildred and Ralph Lyon sat in their living room of a late afternoon. He was drinking a Scotch and watching a western movie on television. Cowboys with cracking guns chased whooping Indians across the screen.
“Ralph, do you really think it becoming of Shane Simba to have a human lover living with him in the mansion?”
“As long as he leads the country as well as he does, I don’t think it means
a hill of beans, Millie.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure. A human lover won’t sit well with the citizens,” she argued.
“Millie, you’re forgetting that humans occupy this country of ours as well as animals. Kenya doesn’t give a shit what he does with his love life as long as he is a good and honest president…..and that he is.”
“Who put that notion in your head of asking me if I ate humans?” asked Tarzan one evening as he drank a beer with Betty on her deck. “I saw the Broadway lion king’s car leave your place not too long ago. Did he put this idea in your head?”
“To be honest, Shane’s brother gave him your police file. It was meddling and not at my request. Shane asked for it. I didn’t believe a word of it,” she attempted to soothe. “Bubba Simba said you were a suspected man-eater.”
“Bubba? That was the name of that dumb ass cop who cuffed me. That fool can’t walk and chew meat at the same time. That’s Shane’s brother?”
"Yes, Bubba is the chief of police in the Mara."
“Oh damn, he has got problems. I had no idea he was related to that dude. What a dick that dumb cop was. He almost slobbered on me. He also was adept at murdering the King’s English,” snarled Tarzan.
“I didn’t believe that about you, Tarzan.”
“But you just HAD to ask,” he chuckled.