Betty and Juma in the sack.....

"My goodness, Betts, it’s almost 3:00 am," pointed out Wilda as Betty made a drink and took a seat near her long time friend.

"I went out with Juma Mnyama tonight. It was something to shout about - sent sparks flying. That lion makes love like there is no tomorrow."

Betty crowned that statement with a small titter, remembering the event.

"Betty, you should be facing obscenity charges for shagging all these damn lions. And what about Jack....I thought you two had declared yourselves?"

"We did, Willie but nothing really came of it. It was all sort of a huge anti-climax. We just sat there toasting our asses off and made no plans whatsoever," giggled Betty.

"Well, that’s different," said Wilda, lighting another cigarette. "He’s the only lion that I think you should pursue."

"Well, I can’t pursue him if he doesn’t want to be pursued any further, Willie."

"I wish you had felt that way about Shane Simba who you pursued with complete relish and precision."

"I wouldn’t take anything for having married Shane and having his children."

"Oh shit, you are still hooked. I can read all the signs."

    It is often noted by Leander Simba, usually following a fifth martini and in receptive company, that her son Sloane had been gifted with his incredible mane at an unusually early age for a male lion. I bring up this point in order to bring up another. I believe that Sloane’s DNA lies precisely in the mane area. His daughter Georgy looks like her cougar mother except for her thick dark chestnut mane of hair which resembles her father’s. Two days ago, Caroline Cheetah Simba brought their new daughter to the State House. The little tyke, named Cynthia and called Cindy after her cheetah grandmother, looks like a cheetah cub facially except for the thick mane of chestnut hair that adorns her very young head and the tawny body of her lion father. In other words, all their faces are like their mothers with the exception of Sloane’s mane which is, by the way, something to crow about. He keeps it shining and heavily scented with cologne. My good buddy, Paulette Poodle, who knows the entire Mara’s grooming secrets, tells me that Sloane comes to her establishment (Beau Visage) four afternoons a week to get hot oil treatments for his shining glory. He also avails himself of a masseuse two of those evenings.

Sloane Simba with his youngest daughter with Caroline Cheetah - - Cindy Simba

    Having Paulette for a friend is fun. I frankly admit to having a standing appointment each week for facials and other machinations regarding my cosmetic upkeep. When I arrive at her booth (she services me personally) she will close the door and amazing tidbits about her clients will unfold as she works away on my being. I already know that she sends her brother to style Shane Simba’s mane. Just before closing time two nights a month, Shane and Alexandra will arrive to take advantage of the sauna and massages. Paulette also, in the midst of a great gale of giggles, tells me that her current star masseuse, a caracal of great allure, may be kneading a little more than the main muscles for the males.

"I think Pussy may do blow jobs and extra massages on the privates," confesses Paulette.

"Her name is Pussy?" I ask, bursting into my own set of trills.

"Yes, can you believe that, Maurice? She hails from South Africa. She also drives a Porsche and I don’t pay her that well."

"Seems that she has a little business on the side, I’d say."

"I know that Ashley Lyon is in here more than he ever was before and all he wants is a quick mane trim and a massage from guess who," laughed Paulette.

"Oh my."

"Maurice, you are getting some patches of dry skin on your face but I can sell you some moisturizer that will deal with the problem," allowed my cosmetic guru.

That was more information than I wanted but I did buy a pricey little jar of cream proving that I am a vain creature after all.

    Janice Jaguar Simba gave a party at her elaborate fashion emporium, JAGGERS. The occasion was Janice’s retirement (and I am sure that won’t be total knowing my former business partner’s workaholic propensities). Lachlan and I were invited but he declined.

"Maury, I have to go to a meeting of the staff and board of directors at the Kenya Medical Facility that night. Anyhow, we lions of Tsavo have never been known as being fashion plates," he laughingly explained. "You go and give Janice my best."

Leah Simba in her office at JAGGERS

Below:  Ashley Lyon in his version of funky chic attends the party.

    Being neighbors of Roy Lee and Janice, we had much social contact with them. The beautifully appointed JAGGERS’ building was glowing the night of the party. Roy Lee Simba was there with his much loved wife who was dressed in a striking jersey of her own design and jeans. Leah Simba, their daughter and the one designated to take over her mother’s operations, also looked glamorous. For some reason, Ashley Lyon was hovering around his ex-wife, Leah. He was lit to the gills but charming in his usual boyish and engaging way. I don’t think Ashley will ever have another mate that he loves like his ex-wife, Leah. The party was marvelous and well attended. Bertram and Gloria (Chimpo) Baboon. Bertram looked down in the mouth and as an aside, asked me to have lunch with him next week. Of course, I told him I would. He looked awfully depressed. Shane Simba and Daniel Lyon brought their wives and I saw Shane in deep conversation with his older brother Roy Lee. Leah, having an eye for pulchritude of a modeling nature has asked Alexandra Simba if she will, after the birth of her twins, hit the runways on very special occasions. Alexandra happily consented, making her new niece-in-law quite happy. Sloane Simba was also there with his wife, Caroline. Leah put a question to her uncle.

"Uncle Sloane, I have noticed how gorgeous Georgy is now. I need a junior model part time. After school, maybe? Please Uncle Sloane," implored Leah.

Caroline gave the answer while Sloane was still formulating his most probably.

"That would be wonderful for Georgy, Sloane. She needs something to do and it would keep her mind off the pub, don’t you think?" asked Caroline, Georgy’s severely disenchanted stepmother.

"I guess she could, Leah...I’m...."

Leah gave him a quick hug meant to seal the deal. It probably worked.

    Dr. Todd Tigeres, the Mara and Kenya’s spectacularly brilliant cosmetic surgeon just bought one of Lewis Lyon’s glamorous new penthouse apartments in his new building. Todd is now doing the very successful surgery designed to turn paws into hands through very skilled attachment. He has already built his own office and clinic with inpatient capacity in the bush. He and Lachlan are great friends through their medical connections and shared love of sitar music. Todd is single and straight. We had him to dinner the other night where a great array of CD’s were played and shared. The number of animals getting hands is phenomenal. Ashley Lyon, Sloane Simba, Leah Simba, Lucy Cougar Lyon, Roy Lee, Shane to name a few. It seems to be all the rage. Todd is also building a huge place in Mombasa near ours....just a stone’s throw away, in fact. He must be making money hand over fist - pardon the tacky pun. We had great fun that evening - all of us. We sat on the floor, drinking and listening to the soothing music of India from whence Todd hails.

Todd Tigeres, the plastic surgeon with his own set of hands.....

    Georgy Simba was delighted that her cousin, Leah Simba, wanted her as a junior model in her JAGGERS group. One who thought the idea stunk was Leah’s own daughter, Imani Lyon.

"Why didn’t you ask me to be a junior model, Mom?" she snarled at her mother.

"You just seem so rebellious toward me, Imani, I never thought you’d cooperate with me on it," explained Leah.

"Well now, Mom, I am disowning you. You are no longer my mother," screeched Imani. "I have only one parent and that is ASHLEY LYON."

    Leah cried and called her own mother who soothed her saying, "You know Imani is going through a difficult period, Leah. Just don’t worry. She’ll come back around. The next time she’s not pleased with Ashley, she’ll be in your pocket again. You know the score."

Georgy Simba in a dressing room at JAGGERS with what appear to be new hands.....

    Meanwhile Roy Lee Simba heard some disturbing news. Wally Warthog reported that he had heard that Dodi Dik Dik Lyon was selling Imani and Georgy Simba marijuana. This scoop was entirely correct. Where Wally found out will probably remain his secret. In the interim, Roy Lee remembered Shane reporting that Dodi had given Staci pot when she was younger and still at home. He called Shane and asked what he knew. It was a great deal. They decided that since Dodi was Ralph Lyon’s wife and living within his pride, it would be sticky to approach from any angle other than that. That’s where I come in - damn it!

"Maury," said Shane when I walked in his office early one morning. "Roy Lee and I have it from a good source that Dodi Dik Dik Lyon is selling youngsters pot and hashish. Do you think you could speak to Ralph about it?"

"Didn’t you speak to Dodi yourself not too long ago on that matter?"

"Yes, and a damn lot of good it did. I think she has to be stopped by Ralph. She is a stubborn little gazelle it seems."

"Well, Shane, Roy Lee was her lover a while ago - quite a while back - wouldn’t he make a difference if he spoke to her?"

I did not want this on my plate!!!!

"Maurice, I am asking you to do this for me. I will do it if I have to but I think that sort of information would rest better with Ralph if you, his long time friend, told him."

    I asked Ralph if I could see him privately. He met me in the bush where he picnics often, his basket packed by Mildred with the things he likes including a bottle of Chivas Regal. We enjoyed a Scotch or two before I got down to business. Ralph didn’t seem shocked.

"Mildred was already concerned, Maury. She’s seen too much young taffic going in and out of Dodi’s tent. Millie is not one of Dodi’s admirers like my other lionesses. And by the way, Maury, I know your dog is not in this fight. I am sure Shane asked you to come and tell me this."

    Ralph Lyon paid an impromptu visit to his gazelle wife, Dodi. He seldom had marital relations with her but she had remained part of his pride. She welcomed him, bringing out the Scotch and pouring a drink for him. She poured a Merlot for herself and sipped it daintily.

"Dodi, I am going to ask you to cease and desist from including youngsters in your drug trafficking machinations," declared Ralph in his usual amiable manner.

Dodi was stoned and feeling mellow but not fooled one bit by her lion husband’s affable approach. His golden eyes were deadly serious.

"I just like to make these kids happy, Ralph. Weed is not really all that harmful," she argued.

"Not on my pride territory, Dodi. If you persist in dealing, do it off this turf. I will not sanction drug trafficking on my pride territory under any conditions.   And if you get caught dealing anywhere I will not be supportive of you. Just be warned."

"Okay, Ralph. I will be warned. How about a little loving before you leave. We haven’t done it in ages."

Her doe eyes with their lush lashes were on him. His eyes lost their seriousness and caught that light she remembered so well.

"That is an excellent idea, Dodi. Is Kerry here?"

"No, she’s working at the restaurant. We have the tent to ourseves."

"What are we waiting for?"